Nativity
by SongofJoy
Summary: Christmas time is here - and Castle is determined to coax Beckett into celebrating it with him. Meanwhile, a case with Christmas ties gets in the way.
1. Chapter 1

_In the first light of a new day, no one knew he had arrived_

_Things continued as they had been while a newborn softly cried_

_~Bob Kauflin, In TheirstLight_

**December 18, 2011**

"Ssh, precious one. Please don't cry," the young mother pleaded softly, holding her newborn son close to her chest and casting a worried glance at her husband as she rocked the infant in hopes of soothing the angry cries.

"Someone is going to hear him," her husband hissed, his eyes sparking with fear and protective concern for his new little family.

"I can't just turn him off," she retorted in a near panic. "He didn't come with a remote control!"

"I know," the barely-old-enough-to-drive father began, raking his trembling fingers through his blond hair. "I'm sorry." He looked out the window of the dingy motel to the street beyond, the first light of dawn painting a picture of peace and calm that belied the fear that threatened to choke him. A movement in the dimming shadows caught his attention, and he held his breath.

"What is it?" his wife whispered. "Did they find us?"

He raised his hand in a request for silence, his eyes narrowing as he followed the darkened figure with a searching gaze. "Just the maid," he assured her after a moment, her sigh of relief as audible as his had been.

A sudden knock on the door startled them both, sending the baby into another fit of tears and putting his parents' senses on high alert. "Yes?" the father asked. "Who is it?"

"Housekeeping," came the reply.

"We don't need the room cleaned right now," he called back in response. Though, truth be told, childbirth was messy. The room really could use a thorough sanitization, but now was not the time.

Silence answered him for a few beats, then – "Sir, we got a call for more towels."

That's true. They had asked for more towels. The ones in the room when they'd arrived had been used during the long labor, used to clean the baby and the mother, used to wrap the newborn in warmth in an attempt to still his cries. Exchanging a glance with his wife, the young man echoed her nod and undid the chain and latch that kept them locked away from the rest of the world.

As soon as the door swung open, he realized he had just made a deadly mistake.

* * *

><p>"Ho, ho, ho!" Castle's deep voice boomed around her as he flung open the door to his loft to find Kate on his figurative doorstep. He saw the fond eye roll and chose to ignore it, choosing instead to latch onto the smile that lit up her face (in spite of her best intentions to the contrary, he wagered).<p>

"Must we be so jolly?"

"Ouch," he winced, stepping aside to let her enter. "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the Christmas Carol this morning."

"Oh please," she turned toward him, ready to snap a feisty retort in his direction but pausing instead as her dour attitude registered with her. "Sorry," she apologized with a meek smile. "This time of year makes me miss my Mom even more. You know – the whole 'focusing on what you've lost' holiday mentality that keeps shrinks busy during Christmas."

He regarded her with an expression of tender compassion and let his hands linger on her shoulders as he helped her shed her coat. "Maybe this year you should try something different," he suggested, his lips pursed, his eyes twinkling. "Maybe – focus on what you _have_ instead of what you _don__'__t_ have."

Her eyes narrowed slightly, and he braced himself for a sharp verbal jab. Instead, she relaxed and nodded thoughtfully. "You know, Castle – sometimes you sound really smart."

"Well – that's because I am," he parried, leading her toward the kitchen with a boyish glance over his shoulder to make sure she was following. "10 points to Detective Beckett for finally figuring it out."

She snorted, but he recognized it as her affectionate snort – not her irritated one. He was getting quite astute at differentiating between the two. "So, what did you need, Castle?"

"Ah yes," he braced his hands on the island that now separated them, looking every bit a rakish bartender and bringing a couple of fantasies back to Kate's mind that really had no business being there. "Hot cocoa? Coffee?"

His hand was already reaching for the coffee maker when she surprised him by asking for the former instead. Blinking in surprise, he absorbed her quick laughter and committed it to memory. "One hot chocolate for the lovely detective. Coming right up."

She sank to a seat on the nearest barstool and rubbed her hands up and down her arms to ward off the chill that still lingered from being outside in the arctic weather that had descended on New York City. "You're stalling," she pointed out, nodding affirmatively when he held up a bag of marshmallows with a questioning lift to his brow.

Waiting for the milk to heat, Rick leaned a hip against the counter and regarded her with a gaze so intimate that she could feel herself beginning to blush. "I just thought that – this year – you should be included in our Christmas traditions. I mean, after all, I celebrate them with the other two women in my life. We all thought it was time you joined us."

Kate didn't know what to say. So many things had just been implied, confessed even, in his brief explanation. Things she wasn't ready for yet. She let her eyes hold his, saw the understanding behind the blue, and felt her heart began to pound erratically. "Castle, I don't –"

"Nope," he shook his head. "Notice I didn't _ask_ if you wanted to be a part of Christmas with my family. It's time for you to enjoy the holidays again, Kate."

"And you're the one who can help me do that?" It was a question, but she knew it was really more of a statement of truth. He just didn't need to know that.

But the gentle smirk that creased his features told her that he already did. He handed her a steaming mug of hot chocolate, piled high with marshmallows, and invaded her space, noticing with pleasure that she didn't immediately shy away. "Yep."

The chirping of her cell phone startled them from the meaningful stares they had perfected (patent pending), and Kate averted her eyes as she answered the call. "Beckett."

He wiped down the counter, listening with one ear as she talked with Esposito, turning his attention back to her as she hung up. "A body?"

"Two, actually," she informed him. "Got a travel mug for this?"

Obliging her request, he transferred the hot chocolate and handed it to her, tightening the lid and purposely letting his little finger brush against hers. He noted with male satisfaction that the soft touch altered her breathing – even if just slight and momentary – and couldn't help but whine at the interruption to the plans he'd made for the day. "A new case? On a Sunday?"

"Murders don't take the weekend off, Castle." She hopped off the stool and retrieved her coat, shoving one arm at a time into the sleeves as she balanced her cocoa. "You coming?"

She knew he would.

"Can we at least find one of those radio stations that play nonstop Christmas music on the drive to wherever we're going?"

"Castle…"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Reviews are like Christmas presents under the tree...<strong>_


	2. Chapter 2

_No more lives torn apart,_

_That wars would never start_

_And time would heal all hearts,_

_And everyone would have a friend,_

_And right would always win,_

_And love would never end._

_This is my grownup Christmas list._

_~Linda Thompson-Jenner, Grown-Up Christmas List_

The crime scene was gruesome, blood splattered and sprayed and soaked and pooled everywhere the eye could see – the walls, the bed, the television, the drapes, the floor. Ryan met them at the door to the motel room, his notepad open. "Two vics," he began, adjusting his stance to allow Kate to pass through. Castle lingered in the entrance, his eyes watching her graceful movements as she headed to where Lanie knelt beside one of the victims.

"Okay – I'll tell _you_," Ryan quipped to Castle. "Two vics. Motel has them registered under the names of – get this – Joseph and Mary Gabriel."

"You're kidding, right? As in the Christmas story – Joseph and Mary."

Ryan shook his head. "Don't forget the angel Gabriel. We still don't know if those are their real names – or just aliases. But those are the names they used to check in last night."

"Don't tell me – let me guess," Castle drawled. "They're headed to Bethlehem?"

"Don't know yet." Esposito appeared at their sides, glancing back toward the bodies. "But wouldn't that be freaky?"

"I believe the word you're looking for is 'meta'," Castle corrected. "But something's missing. We've got Mary and Joseph – where's the baby?"

"No baby."

"Not so fast," Lanie piped up from within the room, contradicting Esposito's ill-informed reply. Pulling off her gloves, she stood to her feet and surveyed the crime scene with a critical eye. "I think some of this blood is obstetric."

"You know – now that you mention the idea," Ryan began. "The first responders to the scene said that the woman was still alive when they got here. She didn't last long, but before she died she kept whispering the name 'Joshua'."

Castle tilted his head curiously. "Could be Joseph's real name, maybe?"

"Or the baby's name."

"Possibly. Except there is no baby." Castle countered.

"Lanie," Kate summoned the medical examiner to a trash can under the sink in the small bathroom area. "Check this out."

Lanie peered inside the container, using a long liver thermometer to move aside the piles of bloody towels to see what had drawn Kate's attention. Replacing her gloves, she reached inside and pulled out something that had everyone wincing in disgust. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a placenta. Which means –"

Castle spoke around his hand, which had risen to cover his mouth in an attempt to suppress his reaction to the gory scene unfolding before him. "Which means somewhere we have a baby."

* * *

><p>Rick leaned next to Kate against the desk in front of the murder board, watching her as she let her eyes roam across the information written there. She used her hands to push off and rose to tap the pictures that Esposito had clipped to the magnets.<p>

"Joseph Gabriel – age 21. His wife Mary- age 20. And yes, those are their real names."

"How long have they been married?" Castle asked, his arms crossing at his chest.

"About a year." Kate looked at the file in her hand before closing it and tapping the folder thoughtfully against her bottom lip. "They were on their way from Nazareth, Texas, to –"

"If you say Bethlehem, PA, I'm going home."

She grinned. "No. They were on their way here – to Manhattan. At least that's what we assume from the fact that they didn't purchase bus tickets beyond this point. But, we don't know why they were headed here, yet. Preliminary cause of death – multiple stab wounds."

"Was Mary pregnant?"

"We haven't been able to determine that for sure yet," Kate told him. "I'm waiting for Lanie to finish the autopsies – trying not to hover. And we're still looking for next of kin to notify – hoping they can shed some light on all of this for us. Nazareth, Texas, is quite literally a map dot. Population of less than 400. Nothing open on a Sunday – not even the sheriff's office."

"So apparently murders _do_ take the weekend off in Nazareth."

When she gave a faint smile of acknowledgment, he turned back to the board, focusing his gaze on Mary's picture. "She's so young," he observed with a somber shake of his head. "They both are. Were."

Kate returned to slouch against the desk next to him, her expression downcast, and he put a friendly, comforting arm around her shoulders. His voice low, he asked, "Any word on the baby?"

"No." She visibly sagged, the sadness etched across her face aging her by several years. "Esposito and Ryan are coordinating with the FBI – which normally we hate doing. Territory issues and all that." She shrugged. "But when a baby's involved, I'll take all the help we can get."

Removing his arm, he was surprised (pleasantly) when she reached for his hand and held it loosely, her gaze still on the murder board. He squeezed her fingers and had to almost physically restrain himself from lifting her hand to his lips for a caressing kiss along her knuckles. _Patience_, he told himself. _You __have __a __plan.__Stick __to __it._ _No __ad-libbing._

"Why don't we call it a night?" he softly asked, tugging on her fingers when she started to protest. "There's nothing more you can do right now." He waited, saw the agreement in her eyes, and added, "Come home with me."

When she shot him a startled look, he hurried to explain his invitation. "We're decorating the tree tonight. Alexis and Mother are already planning for you to be there. Notice – again – as we covered this morning – I'm not asking."

She hesitated, aware of the heat between their clasped hands, her pulse skipping erratically beneath his palm. The blue in his eyes took on a new intensity even as a knowing dimple deepened in his cheek. It was becoming hard to breathe – all from a simple touch of his hand. No one else had ever affected her this way, she realized in a heartbeat, and she sucked in a sharp gasp of realization.

"Was that a yes?" he teased.

Grinning in spite of her resolve to refuse, she heard herself say, "Okay, Rick. Sure. Sounds like fun."

"Good." He seemed quite pleased with himself, she noted. As he grabbed her coat and held it out for her, she shrugged her arms into the appropriate sleeves and caught her breath when he leaned in to graze her cheek with a soft kiss.

"Thank you," he murmured, his eyes lit with affection, and she nearly melted into a boneless puddle right there at his feet.

He'd better not have mistletoe, Kate decided as they casually left the precinct together. She wasn't sure she could survive it.


	3. Chapter 3

_We'll get the biggest tree this year and trim it to the top_

_And spend a whole lot more than what we've got_

_But so what …_

_~Roger Cook/Wayne Jackson, Christmas Can't Be Very Far Away_

Kate stepped into Castle's loft and looked around in stunned amazement. Quite a transformation had taken place since they'd left that morning – most noticeably, the ginormous tree that nearly touched the ceiling. Boxes of decorations were piled here and there, and the sounds of Christmas music ricocheted loudly off the walls.

"Wow, Castle," she breathed, her voice reflecting her surprise. "Do you have your own army of elves or something?"

Alexis popped her head out from a stack of boxes labeled '**Homemade****Ornaments**' and grinned. "Nope. Just me and Grams. And the tree delivery guy. Hi, Detective Beckett."

"Don't forget the super who brought the decorations upstairs from storage," Martha breezed into the great room from the kitchen, a glass of wine in one hand and a script of some sort in the other. "Hello, darling Kate."

Before Kate could say anything in response, Martha and Alexis were nearly upside down in one of the boxes, rummaging for a particular ornament that was currently eluding them, both trying to direct the other's search efforts to no avail. With a wry grin, Kate allowed Rick to remove her coat and turned to face him as he draped it gently over one of the dining room chairs.

"You know, Castle… Sometimes I forget you're rich." She swept her gaze across the room and chuckled. "And then, something reminds me. How much did that tree cost?"

Moving to the base of the fragrant evergreen, she fingered a soft needle and felt his presence coming to stand behind her. Closely behind her. So close she had to force herself not to lean comfortably into the heat that radiated out from his body to hers.

"I don't know." She sensed a shrug lifting his broad shoulders and blushed at how acutely aware she had become of his slightest movements. "Whatever it cost is worth it, though," he continued. "It's Christmas. If you're going to splurge, Christmas is the time to do it."

A smile puckered her lips, and she pivoted on the heel of her boot to respond, realizing belatedly that he was in fact _very_ close. Her eyes locked on his, her breath lodged somewhere between her lungs and her throat, and her knees felt like putty. His cologne assailed her senses, sparking a burst of arousal that coiled in her stomach, and she watched in fascination as his pupils dilated and his nostrils flared. What had they been talking about? She frantically wracked her brain for some sort of reminder, something – anything – to regain control of the situation. His gaze settled on her lips, and all moisture left her mouth. Taking a small step backward caused pine needles to poke tauntingly between her shoulder blades, and his hands reached out to steady her when she startled.

Christmas. Yes! That was it. Christmas and money.

"Yes, well," she swallowed thickly. "I guess the combination of being rich and being a nine-year-old on a sugar rush _would_ mean you go all out for Christmas." Edging away from the tempting circle of his arms with a nervous smile, she poked around in the nearest box of decorations and held up an etched three-dimensional star that sparkled in the light.

He found himself mesmerized, even entranced, by the picture she made – the vision of everything he yearned for, everything he dreamed of in the quiet of the night. Her hair tumbled around her shoulders in a mass of curls that beckoned his fingers to become tangled in their softness. Her legs went on forever in the jeans that hugged her bottom like a caress, and her sweater highlighted her curves with the skill of an artist. A slight flush of red dusted her cheeks, and a nostalgic smile graced her lips. Fortunately for him (unfortunately for the others in the room), his mother chose that moment to break the spell by loudly singing an old carol – gratingly off-key – or heaven knew what temptations he might have surrendered to otherwise.

His heart ached for the dream to become reality as he comically rolled his eyes and reached for the box containing the lights. "You know," he jested. "You pay good money for someone to drag this monstrous tree up here and set it up for you… you kinda expect them to go ahead and put the blasted lights on the thing too."

Kate laughed softly, and Alexis came to stand beside her, nudging the detective with a gentle elbow. "Don't listen to him, Kate. They always offer to pre-light the tree for him, and he always refuses. I think it's a male pride ritual thing for him."

Grinning in understanding, Kate winked at the redhead. "But I bet he complains the whole time?"

"Of course," Alexis replied with an eye roll. "That's part of the whole male pride ritual, too."

"No fair insulting the man with the lights and the ladder," Castle called down to them from his perch mid-way up the ladder that leaned against the wall near the tree. "Without me, the entire decorating extravaganza falls apart."

Alexis and Kate exchanged a knowing look and spoke in unison. "Male pride ritual."

* * *

><p>A couple of festive hours later, the massive tree was starting to look nearly decorated, and only a few ornaments remained in the boxes that now littered the great room floor. Kate had to admit that she had enjoyed the evening to the point of realizing that the vacuum of emptiness that usually invaded her heart at Christmas time was nothing more than a tiny void in the corner of her heart this year. She'd laughed at the Castle family antics throughout the night – declining to join in their boisterous sing-a-long but adding the melody of her laughter to the cacophony instead.<p>

At the moment, she was adjusting a cluster of ornaments to better fill out a natural gap in the branches. Alexis had scooted behind the tree, commandeering a step ladder for a reason as of yet unknown, and Martha was standing back at a distance to eye their accomplishment with a critical eye. "Kate dear," she began, and the younger woman turned obediently to look at her. "Try putting that candy cane on the branch above you."

The twinkle in her gaze should have warned Kate that Martha was up to something, but she naively grabbed the offending object and strained to reach the branch indicated. "No, darling. The one above that."

"I can't – reach it," Kate explained breathlessly, a pain hitching in the scar just above her ribcage.

"Richard – help her," Martha commanded with an impatient wave of her hand, shooing her son to abandon the tree skirt he was arranging beneath the tree. "That one there – just over Kate's head. There – perfect."

Rick had barely lowered his arm from completing the mission when Alexis stuck her head around the corner of the tree and pointed upward mischievously. "Look! You guys are standing under the mistletoe," she exclaimed, an impish sparkle in her eyes. Kate knew that mistletoe hadn't been hanging there a few seconds earlier. Her lids narrowed to suspicious slits, and she swung her head around to shoot a glare in Martha's direction.

"I think we've been set up," Rick murmured in a low voice that weakened Kate's automatic defenses. She risked a peek at his face. Darn him, he didn't seem the least bit disturbed by this turn of events. They were set up alright, she knew.

And she wouldn't be at all surprised if he was behind the whole thing.

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews are like hot cocoa with marshmallows - yes please! :)<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

"I had nothing to do with this," he murmured hoarsely. "I promise." His face bore the look he usually got when he knew he was in trouble, but his eyes… Oh, his eyes. _Those_ sparkled with anticipation.

His hands rose to gently rest on her shoulders, his fingers toying with the curls that cascaded around his wrist. The dimple in his cheek deepened, along with the blue in his eyes (Oh, his eyes), and Kate felt a rush of heat coil deep in her abdomen. "It _is _tradition," he crooned, his voice coating her senses like a balm – and a fire.

"Can't break with tradition." She hated the breathy lilt to her voice. He loved it. Drawing her bottom lip between her teeth, she watched his gaze fixate on the movement, heard his lungs hitch, felt his fingers flex against her collar bone.

He lowered his head before she had time to react, before she could tense, before she could flee. But instead of the slow, languorous, intoxicating kiss she was expecting (hoping for), he merely grazed his lips across her flushed cheek and nuzzled his nose into the curve of her earlobe. Kate's eyes fluttered open in surprise, her face reflecting the startled questions that rose on her tongue.

His chin dipped, and his lips hovered a wisp above her ear. "Not yet," he promised, for her benefit alone. When she eased back just enough to encounter his tender gaze, he held the weighted stare for a handful of seconds and smiled.

"No fair, Dad," Alexis complained, shattering the mood of the moment. "A kiss on the cheek does not count."

"Too bad," he countered cheekily. "It's going to have to count for now."

When Alexis opened her mouth to argue with him, he reached out with one hand to tweak her chin, the other hand fumbling for and finding Kate's nerveless fingers. He rubbed his thumb over her smooth skin and tilted his attention toward her, though his words were directed at his daughter. "Because I have my reasons." He shifted his eyes to Alexis again and added, "And I'm the parent."

Kate fell in love with him all over again in the space of a single heartbeat.

He knew. He understood. Knew that she was terrified to pursue a relationship with him. Understood that she was terrified not to. He loved her. The implications rained down on her, flooding her heart with clarity. He cherished her. Wanted to protect her. Wanted to be her hero. And he did. He was.

She just couldn't seem to put it into words yet. Yet.

Instead, she flashed him a grateful smile, a smile that told him she knew what he'd done, a smile that thanked him for his chivalry. She pressed her fingers into his palm and let him lead her into the kitchen to retrieve the coffee that had just finished brewing. As he reached for the mugs, Kate swept a cursory glance along the ceiling. Just checking.

"Looking for more mistletoe?" he quipped, a quirky grin sending flutters through her stomach. Okay. Maybe somewhere lower than her stomach, too.

"Can't be too careful," she lobbed back, accepting the steaming beverage he offered her.

"Hmm… Cuz it seemed to me that you were disappointed in there." He leaned a hip against the island, invading her space with his twinkling gaze.

"Not disappointed," she lied with a graceful shake of her head. "Surprised."

He knew she was lying, but chose not to call her on it. This time. "Surprised?"

"Yeah, Castle. You finally got me under the mistletoe, and you settle for a kiss on the cheek."

"Don't forget the ear nuzzle," he reminded her. Setting his mug on the counter behind him, he crossed his arms at his chest and held her eyes. "And… I might or might not have more mistletoe at my disposal. Waiting for the appropriate time."

"Oh really?" She arched an eyebrow even as a pleased flush dusted her whole body. "And that wasn't the appropriate time?"

"No," he cocked his head. "It wasn't."

She didn't know what to say to that. So she said nothing. Just sipped her coffee and reveled in the comfortable camaraderie of silence that blanketed the kitchen. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed him begin to move. In two steps he had crossed to where she stood, and his hand plucked the now-empty cup from her fingers.

"C'mon," he told her, taking her fingers and smiling when she offered no resistance. "After the tree's decorated, we turn off all the lights except the tree and sit in front of it."

"Like a Christmas cult?"

He nudged her off balance for her teasing remark, then tugged her into his side to offset the uneven wobble that followed. "No, Kate. Like a Christmas _tree_. This is what you do with a Christmas tree."

Somewhere, unbidden, a memory dislodged itself from the recesses of her mind and crashed into her awareness like a freight train. _She __was __nine__ – __maybe __ten. __Her __dad __was __there, __her __mom __too. __They __were __all __sitting __on __their __couch, __eyes __riveted __to __the __newly __decorated __tree __in __the __center __of __the __room._ Tears pricked Kate's eyes, and she blinked them away even as she felt Rick's curious gaze. He stopped their progress toward the tree and waited for her to compose herself.

"I'm fine," she assured him, her thumb brushing across the inside of his wrist, a faint smile tugging at her lips. "Let's go stare at the tree."

His eyes searched her face like a caress, seeing for himself that she was indeed okay, and he nodded, leaning his head in the direction of the sofa and releasing her hand to sweep his in a gesture of 'after you'. She sank to a seat on the cushions and tucked her feet beneath her, emotion lodging in her throat when Alexis plopped next to her with a brilliant (accepting) smile. Martha perched dramatically against the arm of the sofa, and Rick took the open seat beside Kate after dimming the loft lights. The tree seemed to know it was the center of attention, for it seemed to twinkle brighter and stand just a bit taller under their gazes.

Taking a chance, caught up in the magic of the moment, Kate let her weight lean into Castle's warmth and sensed the reactive catch in his breathing. After a few seconds of hesitation, she felt his fingers tentatively graze her shoulder before settling in the mass of curls that had been driving him to distraction all evening. It was a simple touch, and yet Kate's heart hitched with the realization that it might just change everything.


	5. Chapter 5

_Another year I've had with you._

_We've grown together beyond all we've been through._

_This season holds a place in me_

_Where there is always room to make new memories_

_~Kathy Troccoli, Only Always_

**December 19, 2011**

She texted him a picture of the coffee cup she'd put on the corner of her desk nearest his empty chair. The accompanying message consisted of only symbols – no words – but they say a picture is worth 1000. In this case, it was more like 100.

**100-1**

Castle swiped his thumb over his phone and smiled at the numbers and the image that stared back at him. _"__Tell __her __she __owes __me __like __100 __coffees__…"_ His own words echoed through his memory, and he wondered at the small thrill that ricocheted around the borders of his heart. It was just coffee, he told himself. Just coffee for her partner. Just like all the coffees he'd brought to his partner over the last four years. Except – those hadn't been just coffees. Those had been a way of – at first – staking a spot in her life that would leave a void if he were absent. A way of making sure she wanted to keep him around. And then, over the past year or so (especially after that conversation on the swings), each coffee had been a way of saying that he was willing to keep things status quo until she was ready to take a step past the way things were toward the way things could be between them.

**100-1**

He read the text again. Maybe her coffee wasn't just coffee either. Maybe it was her way of saying that she was ready – or nearly ready – to make peace with her scars (the physical and the emotional). Ready to explore the possibility of a relationship with him that completed the close friendship they'd developed over time. Ready to share her heart, her life, her body, her bed with him – the man who loved her more than he ever thought it was possible to love someone.

Then again, he told himself, it could just be coffee.

Glancing at the two cups of steaming beverages that he was balancing in a one-armed hold, he debated his next move for half-a-second (if that) and tossed them in the nearby trash can on the street. What was the cost of two coffees when something priceless lay just within his reach?

* * *

><p>Rick entered the bullpen and spotted her immediately – her long hair swept into the bun he hated (only because it made his fingers itch all day with the urge to set the curls free), a thin green sweater and burnt orange scarf combination that beautifully magnified her eyes and skin, her black jeans that she must have poured herself into, and those incredibly high-heeled boots that peeked out below the denim and lifted her to his height. She was hunched over her telephone, her brow furrowed as she talked, but when her gaze met his, she seemed to light up with a smile.<p>

"Dude – if you're going to stand there and just stare at her, could you at least move out of the way so the rest of us can do our jobs?"

He turned – startled – at Esposito's friendly ribbing and shrugged sheepishly, his coat rustling across his shoulders. "Sorry. Was it that obvious?"

The detective grinned and cocked an eyebrow incredulously. "Except for that little bit of drool on your chin, I suppose I could be wrong. I see you don't have coffee. Maybe you're trying to figure out a way to sneak to the break room and whip up a batch before she sees you?"

"Already saw him," Kate appeared suddenly beside them, holding out the cup of coffee for Castle. "And I brought the coffee today, Espo."

Rick took the offered takeout mug and saw the unmistakable pink flush that dusted her cheeks. His heart thudded in his chest. This wasn't just coffee. This was a fragment broken off her wall. Allowing his fingers to brush hers, he trapped them there beneath his touch for a pair of seconds – just long enough to send her a silent acknowledgment that he understood. She stepped away, pleasantly flustered, and shot a glare at Esposito who quickly masked the knowing smirk from his face.

"I finally got in touch with the police in Nazareth, Texas," she brought him up to speed as they crossed the room toward the elevator he'd just exited. Her coat was slung over her arm, and she leaned against the wall to face him as they waited for the car to respond to the button she'd pushed. "Turns out the sheriff is Mary's uncle."

At Castle's arched brow, she took a sip of her coffee and grinned. "I told you it was a small town." The elevator arrived, and they stepped inside. Kate let her shoulder jostle lightly into Rick's, not bothering to move further away, content to just be in his space. She knew he would notice, and the small lift to his lips told her that he had – but he said nothing, simply sipped his drink and waited for her to continue updating him on the case.

"Anyway, he's going to notify both sets of parents. He said that he didn't know of any enemies, didn't know why they would be here in New York. He did say that his sister – Mary's mother – had told him she was worried about some harassing phone calls that Mary and Joseph had been getting. He looked into it – but didn't turn up any leads. And neither of them would tell him what had been going on, just told him they would take care of it." She shrugged sadly as they exited the building and made their way toward her vehicle. "There wasn't much he could do if they didn't want his help."

"So we're sort-of back to square one?"

Kate bit her lip but shook her head as they slid into the car. "Not really. He was able to give me a name – an old roommate of Joseph's – that lives here in Manhattan. They were best friends all through school. Thought we could go check him out, see if he can shed any light on their deaths or even just why they were here."

He took another drink from the cup in his hand and watched out the window as busy street scenes passed by his vision. "There's got to be something – someone – who knows what happened."

"Oh, there's someone who knows what happened," Kate assured him grimly. "And a little baby that saw it all."


	6. Chapter 6

_I am waiting in a silent prayer_

_I am frightened by the load I bear_

_In a world as cold as stone_

_Must I walk this path alone?_

_~Amy Grant, Chris Eaton, Breath of Heaven_

The interview with the roommate was a bust.

After an hour-long discussion, Beckett and Castle only managed to gain the knowledge that Joseph had contacted Scott Stephens yesterday morning (the 18th) to ask if he and his family could stay with him for a few days. Scott had said that he needed to ask his wife first and told Joseph that he would call him back that night. By the time Scott had tried to contact him, Mary and Joseph had probably already been dead. Cell phone records would most likely confirm this, Kate knew.

"He's going to regret for the rest of his life that he didn't open his home to them immediately," Rick murmured as they left the office building where Scott worked as a CPA.

Nodding soberly, Kate agreed but offered another perspective, "Although, who's to say that our killer wouldn't have tracked them there and killed Scott's family, too."

"So… a burden to bear but also a blessing," he countered with a tilt to his head that Kate knew as an indicator that he was processing the situation.

She let him think for a moment as they reached her car, then spoke to him over the top of the roof with her hand resting against the cool metal as though reaching out to him. "Me being shot? That was one of those burden-blessing things, too."

Sadness descended over Rick's features, her words soaking in and his nightmarish memories of that day barreling to the forefront of his mind's eye. "How so?" he managed to croak out past his suddenly parched throat.

She shrugged and nearly abandoned the conversation, but the yearning need in his eyes held her captive to finish what she'd started. "The burden part I'm sure you don't need me to explain. It made itself pretty plain during the sniper case." Her soft words had the pain of wisdom behind them – wisdom and regret. "But it also made me realize that I've been stuck in the past and missing out on my future." She held his gaze, riveted to the spot by the hope rising in the blue orbs. "I'm working on changing that."

His jaw flexed and a tiny muscle (otherwise undetected) twitched as he fought to mesh his swirling emotions into words that made sense without revealing more than he intended. Reeling from those five simple but loaded words, he opened his mouth to speak then shut it again when no sound emerged. The crinkles around Kate's eyes softened in understanding, and she granted him a reprieve by opening her door and sliding behind the wheel. Tears welled behind her lashes and lodged in her throat as she waited for him to join her – tears born from the weight that had lifted from her shoulders with the pivotal acknowledgment. Moving on felt good, she realized.

It felt like freedom.

It felt like _living_.

She heard his fingertips tap the top of the car (a last ditch effort to summon some coherency, she figured), and then he was beside her – his presence filling the vehicle and her senses with familiarity and 'rightness'. Shifting the car into gear, she started to merge into traffic, halting when his hand gently covered hers. She kept her eyes straight ahead, knowing that if she turned to look at him she would do something crazy like throw herself into his arms and kiss him senseless. Not that the idea wasn't appealing, but not here – not like this.

"Kate." His voice coated her heart like honey, the low timbre of her name humming perfectly in the back of his throat. She loved how her name sounded on his lips. "A blessing indeed," he finished thickly and released her hand after a tender squeeze.

Indeed.

* * *

><p>The day had taken its toll on her. Rick noted the weary sag of her shoulders, the tense lines around her eyes and mouth. Tightening his grip on the coffee mug in his hand, he crossed the room and came to a stop at her side, wordlessly passing the beverage to her and smiling to himself when she took it with a grateful sigh.<p>

"No leads. No witnesses. No clues. No ideas." She shifted her gaze to his, a frustrated spark lighting her eyes. "What are we missing, Rick?"

"I don't know, Kate," he exhaled loudly.

"If this were a book, how would you write it?"

He thought for a moment, his head tilted, his eyes roaming expertly over the murder board. "A young couple – due to give birth any day – flees their hometown. Probably against doctor's orders. You're not supposed to travel when you're nine months pregnant."

Kate nodded. "So something must have happened that made it extremely necessary for them to leave Nazareth."

Rubbing his chin, he winced at the scraping sound that indicated he needed a good shave. "A crime that one of them committed?" He shook his head before she could respond. "No – that wouldn't bring them to New York. Houston, maybe. Not all the way out here."

Leaning against the desk, he crossed his arms at his chest and his feet at his ankles. "No. Something happened to scare the heck out of them."

"But what?"

"I think we have to consider the possibility that someone was after the baby all along. They didn't take the baby as an afterthought – it was the reason Mary and Joseph were killed."

"I've already considered that possibility," Kate admitted. "If it's true – and I think it is – our perp is going to be that much harder to find. They were ready for the baby; they're not struggling to figure out what to do with him now. They can easily vanish into the throngs of thousands with Joshua, and we'll never find them."

"Hey…" He placed a comforting hand on her arm. "We'll find them. You're Kate Beckett. You don't give up this easily."

"I'm not giving up, Castle," she argued, spinning out of reach and banging her fist against the board in frustration. "I'm just… It's Christmas, you know?"

"I know." He didn't, but it seemed like the right thing to say. He knew _her_ – and that had to count for something. "It's getting late. We're not going to get anywhere else on this case tonight, short of a Christmas miracle. Everyone else on our team has gone home. Even Gates left an hour ago."

He was right. She hated it (and loved it) when he was right. "Fine." She blew a hot breath through her lips, her hair tickling her cheek as the puff of air ruffled through her locks. "Wanna grab some dinner?"

"Actually…" He hopped off the desk and consulted his phone. "Tonight's Jar Night."

"Jar Night?"

The sheepish expression on his face drew a brilliant grin on hers as she waited for his explanation. "We have a jar with all the cliché Christmasy things to do in New York written on scraps of paper. Tonight is one of our jar nights – we have at least one a week in December. This week, we'll have two."

"So, you pick out a scrap of paper from the jar and do whatever it says on it?"

"Yep. And Alexis got tired of waiting on me tonight. She already picked. We're supposed to meet them at Rockefeller Center."

"Ice skating?" Kate bit her lip in trepidation.

His hand at her back, he led her to the elevator and leaned in closer to repeat her own words. "Ice skating."

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews please :)<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

_I know it's true_

_Time doesn't stand still_

_Many things can change_

_But we know some things never will._

_The memories we share_

_The songs we always sing_

_The mystery of life_

_The hopefulness this season brings_

_And I have a dream or two_

_And maybe they will come true_

_~Beverly Darnall, Chris Eaton, & Amy Grant, A Christmas To Remember_

Kate finished lacing up her rented skates, a secret smile playing at her lips. These were plain old (rather dingy) white skates – not the neon ones she'd spied high up on the shelf behind the equipment kiosk's counter. In a moment's idiocy she'd almost asked for that particular pair for memory's sake; then she'd caught a glimpse of Rick out of the corner of her eye. He had been dodging Alexis' fist, holding her skates overhead until she did something crazy that he'd requested. A bubble of laughter had caught in Kate's throat at his boyish-yet-fatherly actions, and she'd turned immediately back to the skate attendant and taken the normal pair of skates that was waiting for her.

_It__'__s __time __for __new __memories_, she told herself with a final yank of the laces. As if on cue, a familiar gloved hand appeared in her line of sight, and she allowed herself to reveal the smile she was feeling as she tucked her own hand into his. He helped her stand to her feet on the single blade skates and hovered closer to her side than was really necessary as they waddled to the rink's entrance.

"Now, if you aren't used to the ice, the first step can be a doozy," he instructed her, his velvet voice warming her from the inside out. "So… you know … feel free to hold onto me until you get your bearings."

She hoped her instant grin didn't give her away. "Yeah. Uh. I've only skated a few times – and I'm not very good at it," she lied. "I usually just hug the wall."

"I think I'm a much better alternative than a wall," Castle countered, the dimple deepening in his cheek. The double meaning was not lost on either of them. "I'm warm – and cuddly."

Alexis and Martha appeared just then in a flurry of coats, mittens, red hair, and scarves. "Are you ready?" his daughter asked breathlessly, her porcelain complexion already rosy in the brisk winter wind.

"With bells on," Castle replied, raising his arm to brandish a jingle bell he had heretofore kept hidden in his jacket.

All three women rolled their eyes in unison, and all three sported identical grins of fond tolerance. "You wanna skate with me, Kate?" Alexis turned to the detective, ignoring her father with the expertise of a teenager on the verge of young adulthood.

Kate opened her mouth to answer, but Rick cut her off before she could speak. "Maybe later, pumpkin," he negated the request. "Once Kate gets used to the ice. She's not as used to the whole ice skating thing as we are." Putting his arm around Kate's shoulder with a chummy jostle, he added, "She's going to stick close to me to get her footing."

Alexis glanced at Kate with a look of bemused confusion. "But – "

"Ah – Alexis – your dad made me an offer I couldn't refuse," Kate hastened to explain, knowing full well that the redhead was remembering the conversations they'd once had about the ice skating lessons Kate took as a preteen. "I told him I usually just hug the wall."

"So she's going to hug me instead." The instant the words left his mouth, they registered with him, and he sputtered inanely in a feeble attempt to recover. "Errr… uh… I mean."

"We all know what you mean, darling," Martha interjected, raising her eyebrows eloquently. She linked her arms with her granddaughter and put a foot over the ledge of the rink entrance. "Come on, kiddo. Let's show these two how it's done."

"An offer you couldn't refuse, huh?" Alexis repeated to Kate with a delighted twinkle in her eyes that sent a thrill to the detective's heart. The author's daughter let her gaze drift over Kate's face, and she nodded as though the wisdom of the world filled her young mind. She smiled and let her grandmother lead her onto the ice, chancing one last glance back at her dad and his partner with a wink directed intentionally at the latter.

"Have fun!" she called over her shoulder before yelping in amused distress at Martha's antics. "Grams…"

As their laughing voices drifted out of earshot, Kate turned to Castle and loosely grasped his hand. "You ready to replace that wall?"

A muscle twitched in his jaw, a light flickered behind his eyes, and a slow smile spread over his face. "You have no idea."

Leaving her breathless with his words, he took advantage of her flummoxed state to tug her onto the ice and maintained a reassuring grip on her hand with his left, holding it low against his chest, even as his right arm snaked around her waist (to give him more control… or something like that). She wobbled once – for effect – and smiled to herself as his grip tightened. They took a couple of turns around the rink like that – she feigning inexperience, he offering helpful tips and a guiding arm. His body nudged and retreated in turn, keeping her in pace with the rhythm he had set, evoking unbidden images in Kate's mind of another setting in which bodies and rhythms could be in play. Every sense was heightened and attuned to his slightest movements, to his scent, to his low murmurs that grew goose bumps on her flesh. Her momentary regret at misleading him had vanished about halfway through their first trip around the ice – lost somewhere in the romantic haze that had enveloped her. She had no right to be this happy, she reasoned, but she was. And she was going to enjoy it.

For his part, Castle had never been more aroused – without actually being physically so. The scent of something Christmasy filled his nostrils as the wind lifted her hair to his nose. Was she one of those women who changed from her normal fragrance to the limited-edition holiday products from a bath and body store during the Christmas season? He added this to the growing list of answers he wanted to discover about Detective Kate Beckett and breathed deeply, committing this moment to his memory. Her arm at his chest sent sparks of heat through his body, the gentle ebb and flow of her hip against his sending his mind to places distinctly adult in nature. He let his hand drift a little lower on her waist and squeezed despite his best efforts to thwart the reflex.

The tightening of her eyes and the gentle line of her lips told him she'd noticed – and she didn't look displeased. In fact, if the pink dusting on her cheeks was any indication, she had enjoyed the brief caress. Sliding them to an easy stop, he angled his ankles to twirl the skates in her direction, now facing her and reaching up with a hand to brush the wayward strands of hair from her cheek. He parted his lips to speak, she parted hers to suck in a trembling breath.

"Kate…"

The harsh ring of her phone shattered the comfortable aura the two had created, and she groaned aloud, using her teeth to remove her glove from one hand so she could fish the culprit out of her pocket. Her eyes flashed a silent apology of regret when she saw the caller ID, and her voice was taut with an underlying frustration as she answered. "Beckett." She listened for a moment, her gaze narrowing as Esposito relayed the reason for the call, and her grip on the phone tightened until her knuckles turned white from the effort. "We'll be there in 20."

Returning the phone to her pocket, she brushed her hand through her hair and raised her eyes to Castle's questioning gaze. "They found the baby."

His eyebrows shot up, and he immediately craned his neck to search out Alexis and Martha amid the throng of holiday skaters. Spying them on the opposite side of the rink, he pulled out his own phone to send them a text. "Come on," he spoke in Kate's direction, his eyes still on the message he was composing. "I'll help you back to the exit and we can –"

She was gone.

Dumbfounded, he looked around until he saw her – skating toward the entrance/exit with the ease and skill of someone who had _clearly_ been on the ice more than a couple of times. His heart leapt, and a silly grin took over his lips. She had lied. On purpose. To be in his arms. And that bit about the wall – suddenly took on a depth that he hadn't dared to hope for. He allowed himself a victorious spin and a (not-so) discreet fist pump.

"Merry Christmas," he whispered to himself, shoving off with his skates to catch up with the woman he loved.

It was time to raid his stash of mistletoe. Yes. Indeed.


	8. Chapter 8

_Oh but this year is different for you and for me_

_Our own little miracle on our own little street_

_Never before have I loved 'Silent Night' so_

_But now that you're here by my side_

_Baby, it is – baby, it is_

_It really is a wonderful life._

_~Chely Wright/Mindy Smith, It Really Is (A Wonderful Life)_

Rick couldn't take his eyes off of her. Most of the time she was a combo of fierce detective and independent woman. Right now, in this moment, she was all woman – hot, sexy, and softly feminine. She held the baby in her arms, her hair cascading over her shoulders, her voice lilting quietly as she cooed at the infant. His heart twisted painfully in his chest as his mind leapt ahead to what he hoped would be his future, and the desire that punched him in the gut nearly felled him. Unable to stop himself, he stepped to Kate's side and let his hand rest against her back, his fingers brushing her hair. He crouched next to her chair and used his other hand to gently cup the back of Joshua's fuzzy head.

"Hi, little one," he whispered, his voice husky. "We've been looking for you."

Kate turned her head, which brought her face very close to his. Her brilliant smile made him blind to the rest of the room, and he swore that time stood still as their eyes met. His gaze dropped to her lips, and his breath caught when her tongue peeked out to swipe self-consciously across her mouth. Her bottom lip migrated between her teeth, and he lost all semblance of self-control. She was too close. She was too warm. She was too… Kate.

The hand at her back rose to caress her neck, weaving through her tresses and gently tugging her closer. Her eyes darkened with yearning before fluttering closed, and her lips parted in anticipation. He thought briefly about pinching himself – because this surely was a dream – but he decided he didn't care. Dream or no dream, he was going to enjoy this.

Every.

Single.

Electric.

Minute of it.

His lips brushed against hers on a sigh – whose sigh, he couldn't be sure – but just when he had shifted to his knees to deepen the contact, a piercing cry split the air around them. Kate jerked her attention back to the squirming infant in her arms and lifted him to her shoulders, patting his back and standing to her feet to walk him around the bullpen with a slow rock to her hips. She shot a look of apology in his direction before nuzzling Joshua's downy soft head and pressing her lips to the fuzzy hair that dotted his scalp.

Rick maneuvered himself into his chair and sighed heavily, letting his head fall back and covering his face with his hands. The FBI had found baby Joshua after a tip had come in from Grand Central Station – a young couple buying one-way tickets to Dallas, Texas, for themselves and their newborn. Nothing about them had aroused suspicion until the friendly clerk had started asking them questions about their baby. In her words, the pair became 'squirrely' and she'd remembered the news reports about the murdered parents and the missing baby.

"Crazy night, huh?"

Rick lowered his hands, peering at Kate as she sank wearily to her chair. "Where's Joshua?" he asked while glancing around the room.

"I made Ryan take him for a while," she told him with a wry grin. "Told him it was good practice for whenever he and Jenny have kids."

"His grandparents are coming?"

Kate nodded and looked at the wall clock nearby. "They should be here in a couple of hours."

"So… Mary and Joseph _were_ murdered for their baby."

"Yep." She raked her fingers through her tousled mane and leaned back in her chair. "Wandamarie Parker went to high school with Mary. They kept in touch – she was even in Mary and Joseph's wedding. Apparently, they'd gotten pregnant around the same time."

"But Wandamarie lost her baby."

Nodding again, Kate smiled sadly. "And then she snapped. According to the FBI arrest report, Wandamarie said that she felt God had given Mary a baby to replace the one that she'd lost. She was the one who'd been making those harassing calls her uncle told us about. When Mary and Joseph left town before the baby was born, Wandamarie saw it as stealing _her_ baby. So, she and her boyfriend Billy followed them to New York."

"And killed them."

"And killed them," Kate agreed. She glanced across the room to where Ryan and Esposito were making idiots of themselves trying to entertain the baby, a faint smile gracing her lips in reaction to the scene. "They almost made it back to Texas with Joshua, too."

Rick leaned forward and fixed Kate with a compassionate stare. "But they didn't. We got them." She flipped her hand over in invitation, and he looked down at it in surprise, hesitating a moment before covering her palm in a tender grip. "We got _him_."

She smiled. "We did."

Fidgeting uncomfortably, she bit her lip and grimaced before speaking again. "Castle – about this evening…'

"This evening?" he asked, feigning ignorance. "The ice skating, or…?"

"The ice skating," she hurried to reply. "We'll talk about the other – later."

"Ah yes. The ice skating." He grinned impishly and leaned back, clasping his hands behind his head with a dramatic flourish. "How many years of lessons did you have?"

She winced. "Five."

"Five," he repeated, chuckling and shaking his head. The dimple in his cheek deepened, and the blue in his eyes took on a gleaming hue. "So – 'I usually hug the wall' – must be the latest euphemism for – 'I can skate circles around you anytime, anywhere'."

"If it helps, I only pretended that I couldn't skate so I could …"

"Hug me?" Rick supplied when her voice trailed off to silence. "Take a few trips around the rink in my arms?"

"M – maybe. Something like that," Kate stammered, swallowing thickly and raising embarrassed eyes to his face.

"You want me!" His voice crowed in delight, and she pressed her lips together with a matching glare from her gaze. "Face it, Beckett. You have the hots for me, and you couldn't resist my charms any longer. I'm right, aren't I?"

"Yes, well… clearly, all the Christmas cheer in the air has warped my mind." Briskly standing to her feet, she grabbed her scarf and coat and headed for the elevator.

He hadn't missed the fiery red circles on her cheeks. She was mortified at her behavior and – darn it – he'd shoved it in her face. Scrambling after her, he caught her elbow and steered her down the hallway to a secluded alcove where they would surely be alone this time of night.

"Rick."

"Kate," he soothed. "I didn't mean to embarrass you. I'm sorry."

"I embarrassed myself," she explained. "I don't usually… act like that. I don't know why -"

"I think I do… and please notice that I wasn't complaining. Anytime you want to feign incompetence in some area so that we can… canoodle… _please_ know that I am one hundred percent supportive of the endeavor." He watched happily (fondly even) as the humiliation in her eyes began to fade and the blazing flush on her face started to turn a rosy pink instead. His thumbs drew light circles against her upper arms, and he felt her breathing skip a beat when he skimmed his touch along her collar bone.

She licked her lips and arched closer to him – something he was quite certain she didn't realize she was doing. "Got any of that mistletoe on you?"

Her breathless voice nearly brought him to his knees, and a groan slipped from his throat without his permission. "No," he croaked out, his gaze riveted to her face. "It's … at home."

Her eyes caressed his features, and she stepped closer. Her breasts brushed his chest as she slid her hand over his shirt and then around his neck. Her fingers splayed through his hair, and she tilted her head experimentally until her lips were in the perfect position to caress his. All he had to do was lean forward and …

"Might be a good idea to keep some mistletoe handy the rest of this week," she purred, puffs of air tickling his senses. "In case… the mood strikes again."

Grinning devilishly, she stepped away, leaving him cold and oddly overheated in her absence. "See you tomorrow, kitten," she called over her shoulder as she ducked around him and resumed her trek toward the elevator.

He followed her retreat with his eyes, muffling a groan at the sway of her hips and the sensual stride of her legs. Slumping against the wall, he took a few deep breaths and conjugated a few verbs in his head to tame the arousal that had ignited under her seduction. When he felt he was presentable and once again in control of himself, he returned to her desk to grab his coat and whistled jauntily as he exited the bullpen once more.

This Christmas definitely seemed to be the season for miracles.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Sorry for the delay in posting - I'm sorta stalled out in this one ... can't stay motivated. Reviews might help :-)<strong>_


	9. Chapter 9

_All I want is to hold you forever_

_All I need is you more every day_

_You saved my heart from being broken apart_

_You gave your love away_

_And I'm thankful every day_

_For the gift._

_~Jim Brickman, The Gift_

**December 20, 2011**

Kate shifted in the waiting room of the pediatrician's office, the uncomfortable wooden chair biting into her hip even through her jeans. She crossed her legs at the ankles and wiggled her boot-clad feet in bored restlessness. A cup of coffee appeared in front of her face, and she blinked in startled surprise. Not surprise, really. She should have known by now that he would find her this morning. And when he found her, he would have coffee. It was his way. It was _their_ way.

"Great," she huffed in pretend indignation. "Now I'm back to 100."

He quirked a grin and sat down next to her, frowning at the instant discomfort to his backside. "These chairs are awful," he observed unnecessarily. Watching her take a grateful sip of coffee, he waited a second or two before asking in a low voice, "Everything okay with Joshua?"

Nodding, Kate fiddled with the tab on her lid, her gaze traveling around the room with a trained eye. "Yeah. His grandparents – Mary's parents – just wanted him to be checked out by a doctor before they start back to Texas. Child services granted them temporary custody, and they're coordinating with child services in Texas to transfer his case down there. I'm here as the liaison for the NYPD – just in case he suffered any harm or illness from the kidnapping."

Rick gave an 'ah' in understanding and followed the path of her observation with his own gaze. He nudged her shoulder as a thought struck him and, before he could censor himself, the words spilled from his mouth. "Hey – you ever see yourself here in the future? You know, waiting for the doctor to see your own kid for a checkup. A cold. The dreaded vaccinations."

She stared at him in stunned silence for a pair of minutes – and finally swallowed the sip of coffee that had stuck in her mouth with his question. Tilting her head slightly in acknowledgement, she became oddly fascinated with the sleeve of the Styrofoam cup in her hand. "Yeah. Sure," she answered. He thought she was done and tried to come up with a change of topic, but she surprised him by raising her eyes to his and continuing, "I've been thinking about it a lot more lately."

"Detective Beckett?"

The soft, southern accent drew Kate's attention, and she stood to greet Mary's parents who had just returned to the waiting room with a bundled-up, squirming Joshua – leaving Castle to decipher for himself what she had left unsaid. "How's our little man?" A smile melted across her face as her eyes rested on the infant's face, and she tickled a finger along his chin.

"The doctor says he is a perfectly healthy newborn," Beulah told her happily. She unearthed her hand from the swaddle of blankets and reached out to clasp Kate's. "Thank you – to all of you – for everything you did for my Mary and her family."

"We didn't –"

Beulah cut her off. "You found her killer. You brought my grandson to me. That is everything to me."

Kate's eyes shone as she pressed the other woman's fingers in reassurance. "You're welcome."

"Now," Beulah continued briskly, releasing Kate's hand and adjusting her grip on Joshua. "You go home with your young man there and enjoy your Christmas." She fixed Kate with a meaningful stare as the detective began to form a correction on her tongue. "And take some time to give thanks for what you have – a healthy body, a job that lets you help the people who need the most help, and a man who loves you."

How was she supposed to argue with that? Kate grinned and nodded. "Yes ma'am. You three have a safe trip back to Texas." Reaching in her pocket, she pulled out her card and handed it to Tom, Mary's father. "Keep in touch – let me know how Joshua is doing?"

After they'd left, Kate turned back to Castle who was playing with a toy – sliding a wooden ball up and down along a yellow wire as though it were a roller coaster. "Do you know how many germs that has on it?"

His face scrunched into an expression of disgust, and he abandoned the task to stare at his hands as though they were covered in slime. "Do you have any hand sanitizer?"

She pointed to the dispenser on the wall near the door and followed him with a chuckle as he hurried to make use of it. "Feel better?" she asked when he was finished coating his hands with the clear liquid, the smirk on her face oddly arousing to him.

"As long as I don't think about it," he told her, cupping her elbow and leading her from the waiting room into the hallway of the office complex that housed a series of doctors' offices. "Let's talk about going home with your 'young man' and 'giving thanks' instead."

So he _had_ heard what Beulah had said.

Kate felt embarrassment creep across her face until she became distracted by the slight pull of her scar against her ribs. It acted as a reminder – a nudging to remember that she was ready to make peace with those scars and move forward to a happier future. "Castle – I should go back to the precinct…"

"Paperwork can wait, Beckett," he said with authority. "I'm really anxious to go over that list of things that Beulah said you should be thankful for. Particularly the parts that include me."

Grinning tolerantly, Kate leaned against the wall as they waited for the elevator to return to their floor. "I don't recall that she mentioned you, Castle."

He huffed as the doors dinged open and followed her into the car with a gallant sweep of his hand. "Uh… I believe she referred to me as 'your young man there'."

"She did say that, yes," Kate agreed, biting the inside of her cheek to keep her grin from widening any further. "But seeing as how you aren't 'young', I'm not sure she was talking about you."

Feigning a wounded look, he clutched at his heart dramatically. "Unless she meant the 4-year-old a few chairs over, I don't see how she _wasn__'__t_ talking about me, Kate."

"Hmm… and the other?"

"The other?"

"The other things I'm supposed to be thankful for."

"Let's see… a healthy body." He let his eyes rake up and down her form with an appreciative gleam and allowed a soft groan to rumble in his chest. "I'm thankful enough for the both of us for your body."

Kate laughed and shook her head, jostling him with her hip, and sucking in a startled gasp when he latched onto her waist and pulled her into his side. "The job thing was nice, too," he remarked. "You do help the helpless, Kate. That's something to be thankful for everyday."

"You're right," she agreed with a low hum tickling her vocal chords. "I am." The doors slid open to the parking garage, and they headed for her car in unison. She felt a surge of bravery as she lifted her gaze to his face and asked the question that had been vibrating through her heart for the last few minutes. "And the last one?"

"The man who loves you?" His voice was hoarse, as though he'd developed a sore throat in a matter of seconds.

"Yeah…" Her own words sounded thick to her ears. She slowed to a stop near her trunk and held her breath as he joined her in leaning against the bumper. "You wouldn't happen to know who she was talking about, would you?"

He nodded slowly. "I might." He stared at his hands, suddenly nervous and unsure what to say next. "Would you… would that be something you could be thankful for?"

"Could I be thankful for a man who loves me?"

Her soft, almost incredulous, question caused him to nod his head, and he still avoided meeting her gaze directly. If asked, he would have reluctantly admitted that his heart was about to seize in his chest – the wait nearly killing him with the intensity of the moment. She raised her hand to his shoulder and squeezed lightly.

"Always," she whispered before letting her touch drift down his arm.

With a slight smile, she retrieved her hand and moved around the car to unlock the doors. She slid behind the driver's seat and waited for him to process their conversation and join her. When he did, she noticed the faint hint of moisture on his cheeks but chose not to comment. Instead, her heart warmed at the knowledge that his 'I love you' hadn't been just a heat of the moment declaration. He loved her. And she was determined to show him that it was a gift she didn't take lightly.

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews are always appreciated! :) Ideas are welcome too :)<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

_A kiss for Christmas is all that I want, yeah_

_A kiss for Christmas, don't make me wait for love_

_This Christmas all that I want is_

_A kiss for Christmas. Don't make me wait, love_

_~Luther Vandross, A Kiss For Christmas_

Kate stepped into Rick's apartment, already pulling her scarf through its knot so she could rid herself of it and her coat. She felt his presence close behind her, and she smiled when his hands joined hers to help her off with the wintry paraphernalia. "Thanks," she breathed, fluffing her hair out of her collar and tousling it mindlessly with her fingers. "I feel like I'm playing hooky from school."

He grinned. "Does that make me the rebel kid who's led you astray?"

"If the shoe fits…" She glanced around but saw no other signs of life in the loft. "Where are Alexis and Martha?"

"Alexis sent me a text earlier – they went shopping for some last minute gifts."

So they were alone. Just the two of them.

To distract herself from the electrified awareness that shot to her center, she moved to the sofa and sank to a seat, propping her feet up on the coffee table and relaxing into the softness of the cushions. He braced his weight with his arms against the back of the couch and leaned over so the breath of his words puffed her hair into little wisps of sensation. "Do you want any coffee? Tea? Cocoa? Wine?"

"Hmmm…." She stretched languidly, bringing her face closer to his with a tempting grin. "Wine sounds good."

He didn't move, simply stared at her lips for a heartbeat or two, indecision wrestling with desire in his mind. Settling it for him, she rested her back against the sofa arm and turned her attention to admire the tree. She watched out of the corner of her eye as he hesitated, and her lids fluttered closed in regret when he let his hand drift across her shoulder on his way to get the wine.

Letting her head slump back against a pillow, she growled at herself and her wall. Her eyes opened and meandered around the living area before coming to land on a sprig of something plant-like on the coffee table. She pushed herself into a full sitting position and reached for it, laughing out loud when she saw what it was. A bundle of mistletoe dangled from some sort of wire which in turn was attached to a headband. When worn, the mistletoe would be suspended over the wearer's head – making that person 'under the mistletoe' no matter where they stood or sat.

"Leave it to Castle," she murmured under her breath, a smile tugging at her lips. She fiddled with the contraption while conducting an inner debate. Her decision finally made, she folded her legs under her and waited for his return. She heard him enter the room, glasses clinking in his hands, and she accepted the glass he handed her – looking up at him in curiosity when he refused to relinquish it.

"I heard you laughing." His voice had a gravelly undertone, as though he'd just woken up from a good dream, and his gaze was riveted to the mistletoe now hanging temptingly over Kate's head. "I figured you'd found it… I didn't think… I mean… _Kate_."

Her name rumbled in his throat, hitting her with a wave of need, and she guided the wine glasses to their home on the coffee table before he spilled any on the couch. He didn't seem to be aware of much other than the mistletoe, herself, and the war that she could see raging in his subconscious. "Castle," she whispered as she stood to her feet. She hated to see the anguish she had put him through the past year – it was written across his face as clearly as words on a page – and she was determined to make atonement.

Starting now.

"I believe I'm standing under the mistletoe," she told him softly, taking his hand and lacing their fingers together. He grinned at once, though his face fell again quickly as more doubt crept into his thoughts. She tugged him closer until their bodies brushed against each other. "Castle – stop thinking and kiss me."

"Kate –" he shook his head but didn't step away. "Kate, you don't have to do this." His steady resolve from the other night seemed to have vanished into thin air, and he gulped thickly as she shifted closer to him. "I can wait… until you're ready."

"Rick," she sighed, drawing her hands up to clasp together behind his neck, her fingers grazing the tendrils of hair at his nape. "I may never be ready. My wall may not come down for a long time." She freed one hand to gently trace his jaw, hoping he could see in her eyes all of the affection (love) that she felt for him. "But I've decided something lately. You've waited long enough. And… I want – very much – for you to build a door. Or a window. Or a crawl space. _Something_ to get on the other side of this thing."

His hands trembled as they rose to circle her waist, his touch slipping just beneath the hem of her sweater, the heat of her skin nearly burning him. "Kate." Her name was just an exhale of air, and she closed her eyes against an onslaught of emotions as his lips brushed her forehead. He trailed light kisses down her nose and drew a shaky breath as he hovered over her mouth. "Oh…. Kate."

With his last murmured word, his lips closed over hers.

Her moan mingled with his, and she felt as though her feet were floating off the ground. His kiss intoxicated her senses, her stomach a knot of desire and euphoria; with the hand still at his neck, she pulled him closer and sighed happily when he nipped her bottom lip in mock reproach. For all the need trembling through both of them, the kiss stayed surprisingly chaste – almost tentative and inquiring, as though testing the ice on a wintry pond before stepping onto it. Rick's hands cupped her chin. Kate's fingers fisted in his hair. A bubble of desire welled up in Kate, evoking a ragged whimper of a groan from deep within her – a groan that was echoed by her partner as he finally (_finally!_) deepened the kiss.

The clatter of the door being unlocked penetrated the haze that enveloped them, and Rick slowly ended the kiss with a wistful sigh. Kate protested with a quiet cry before the noise behind them began to register with her. She moved away, her eyes conveying her regret, and lifted a hand to remove the mistletoe headband – until Rick's hand halted her intended action. "Leave it," he whispered. "That wasn't nearly enough."

Her cheeks flushed with pleasure despite the moisture gathering in her eyes, and her dazzling smile just about erased his memory as to why he'd stopped kissing her in the first place. The taste of her kiss – merely a taste – had sent his hormones into overdrive. He'd once thought that whenever they finally kissed again it would satisfy the craving that had been building in him since their undercover lip-lock outside that warehouse. The truth was clear now – he had been so very wrong. That kiss hadn't satisfied anything. It had merely intensified the way his body, his heart, his _soul_ ached to be one with her.

"Hello the house!" Martha sang out as she and Alexis entered the loft, waving her shopping bag with a dramatic flourish. "We managed to leave a little bit for the other last-minute shoppers."

Alexis grinned and shook her head. "Don't worry, Dad. We left more than a little bit." She glanced at Kate, and her smile broadened. "Hi, Kate! I see you found Dad's mistletoe hat-thing."

"Hi, Alexis," Kate returned the warm greeting. "Yeah." She flicked the flower with her finger and chuckled as it swayed overhead. "It's a new look I'm trying out for the holidays. Very fashionable, don't you think?"

"Oh, definitely," Alexis teased. "Tres chic."

"I personally love it," Rick piped up, tipping his wine glass in Kate's direction. "If my opinion counts."

"It doesn't," Martha assured him as she popped her head around the corner from the kitchen where she'd headed moments before. "And it does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that having Kate walk around with mistletoe perpetually over her head would be your every fantasy come true, my dear."

To Kate, he whispered against her ear, "Not my _every_ fantasy." Smiling secretly at the shivers that rocked her frame, he directed the rest of his comment toward his mother in a voice loud enough to be heard. "Can we not talk about my fantasies, Mother? That's just wrong on many levels."

"I second that motion," Alexis agreed wholeheartedly, passing by Kate with a hushed, "Way to go, Kate!"

"Well, did you at least get to put it to some use before we got home?" Martha asked from the kitchen doorway, her hands indignantly planted on her hips. "Because, we could always go to Grand Central a little early and wait for you two to catch up." A raucous wink accompanied her final words, and Rick groaned, embarrassed at his mother's interference and implications.

"Grand Central?" Kate asked, sparing the room from whatever he was about to say. She discreetly hooked her finger through one of his belt loops and looked at him in anticipation of his answer.

"Yeah – we try to go every year down to Grand Central Station and watch the light show they put on," he explained, a twinkle in his gaze that conveyed his delight at her possessive touch. "Another Castle family tradition."

"I've never been," she replied in surprise. "There's apparently a lot going on in this city at Christmas that I've never done."

"Is that 'I've never been' as in 'I've only skated a few times' or can I take it more literally?"

Kate pursed her lips against a grin at Castle's teasing. "Haha," she retorted dryly and raised her hand as though she was in a courtroom. "I, Kate Beckett, do solemnly swear that I have never seen the light show at Grand Central." She dropped her hand and cocked her head to the side. "Is that better?"

The movement made the mistletoe do a little dance from its perch, catching Rick's attention and causing him to lick his lips from a sudden thirst. He used her finger in his belt loop to his advantage, tilting his hip so she would have to pivot into him to maintain her balance. He caught her by the arms and dipped his head. Just before his lips caressed hers with an exquisite tenderness that Kate never imagined he possessed, he called over his shoulder to the other women in the room, "Pardon me a moment. I feel the need to indulge in another tradition."

"Giving thanks yet?" he murmured privately into her mouth as his kiss danced a scattering of sensations through her insides.

"Definitely," she answered around the gentle mingling of their lips.

Traditions really did have something going for them, Kate decided. Especially when a Castle or three came along for the ride.


	11. Chapter 11

_On every list I've ever sent_

_You're the gift I'd love the best_

_So deck the halls and all the rest, warm me up_

_With your Christmas love_

_~Justin Bieber, Christmas Love_

Kate nearly floated into her apartment. She – Kate Beckett – really and truly _floated_. She didn't remember the last time she'd felt this way. Probably never but maybe in high school – her first crush on a boy. But this … this was way beyond a crush. She knew it as well as she knew her own name. And, while it should have scared her, it didn't anymore. Which was actually a little terrifying. She should have told Alexis that you know you're in love when all the songs make sense… and nothing else does.

The light show at Grand Central – amazing. The tender hand that Rick kept at her back, the occasional brush of his lips against her temple, the love in his eyes when he glanced down at her – extraordinary. Kate closed the door behind her and slipped her scarf free from her neck, catching a whiff of Rick's cologne that came with it and smiling with secret memories. She shrugged her coat from her shoulders and as she turned to drape it across a nearby chair, it registered in her romance-fogged brain that her apartment… well, glowed.

Staggering against the door in shock, Kate whipped out her phone and pressed the first number on her speed dial. "Castle!" she blurted out as soon as the familiar voice answered on the other end. "What did you do?"

"You like it?"

There were no words. Just – just – that man. No words.

"Castle…"

"I'll take that as a yes."

"How did you – Castle."

His low chuckle rumbled through her ear to settle into a pool of delicious warmth in her middle. Her hand clutched her abdomen in an ill-fated attempt to quell the flutter of amazement that had taken up residence there, and she felt her mouth open and close in wordless gape. A large Christmas tree stood in the corner – the corner that used to house the comfy overstuffed chair she loved to sit in while she read. A quick glance told her it had been moved stylishly to the side to accommodate the tree. The tree. Her eyes shot back to drink it in – nearly floor to ceiling, it was adorned with ornaments, tinsel, and lights. Something about one of the ornaments caught her attention and, pushing away from the door, she took a step closer to inspect the tree from a better perspective.

No.

Words.

"Castle … the ornaments. They're … How did you?"

"Your dad," he answered. She could tell from the quirk to his voice that he was holding the phone between his ear and his shoulder. "I called him the other day. He gathered together some of your old ornaments – some of your mom's – some other ornaments that he thought would be meaningful to you." She heard the smile in his voice and duplicated it on her own face. "By the way, Kate, he told me that you two weren't spending Christmas together this year."

"Yeah – um – he's taking a cruise with some old college buddies."

"Spend it with me. With us. Alexis and Mother have threatened to disown me if you aren't here for Christmas."

An inner debate circled her heart before she answered. "Okay." A half beat later, she blurted, "How did you get in here?"

"Your dad gave me the spare key you made for him last summer."

"Castle… I – I – I don't know what to say. It's beautiful. Thank you."

"I think you said it just fine," he told her, his words warm against her ear. "And before you go into a sudden panic, wondering if the lights have been on all day – they're on a timer."

"At least this explains where you were this morning," she laughed softly, still stunned.

"That… or it proves that I really do have my own army of elves." She could almost see his eyebrow twitch as she listened to his counter-explanation.

"My money's on what I said."

"I always knew you were smart."

She grinned into the phone and shook her head in amazement, her brain still muddled from the shock. "I'll see you tomorrow, Rick."

"See you tomorrow, Kate."

She lingered for a couple of minutes, walking around the tree to admire it from different angles until her feet reminded her that the boots she had worn that day were far from comfortable. Reluctantly leaving the cozy glow of the tree, Kate turned and headed for her bedroom, making it only a few steps before halting once again in her tracks. Her gaze ricocheted from the kitchen area to the front closet to the stairs to the windows to the ceiling light fixtures and bounced from door to door to door down the hall.

Before she realized what she was doing, she had punched the redial button and numbly raised her phone to her ear. His voice greeted her with a knowing chuckle and she heard herself murmur, "Castle … there's mistletoe all over my apartment. _All_ _over_."

"Really?" He sounded more mischievous than surprised. Then, "I told you I had my own stash."

A volcano of soft laughter rippled from her lips. "There's got to be something illegal about all of this."

"If I can help you figure out what it is, will you cuff me?"

She rolled her eyes. He knew she did. They both smiled. "Seriously, Rick. What am I supposed to do with all of this mistletoe?" Kate gestured around her apartment in something close to bemused exasperation. "Kiss my pillow?"

"Do you do that when you're fantasizing about me?" His voice dropped to a hushed baritone, and her toes curled as lust spiraled across her senses.

"In your dreams."

"It's _your_ dreams I'm more interested in right now…"

"Castle!" But she was laughing and he knew he wasn't in too much trouble. "So you had this brilliant plan to break into my apartment –"

"I didn't break in; I used your dad's key. Which he _gave_ me."

"— and decorate a tree for me and put mistletoe up in every possible open space where someone could stand… and then you leave me here all by myself? I think there is a significant flaw in your plan, Rick."

"Open your door."


	12. Chapter 12

_I wish I knew how (Your eyes are like starlight now)_

_To break this spell (I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell)_

_I ought to say no, no, no sir (Mind if I move a little closer)_

_At least I'm gonna say that I tried (What's the sense in hurting my pride)_

_I really can't stay (Baby don't hold out)_

_Ahh, but it's cold outside_

_~Frank Loesser, Baby It's Cold Outside_

She opened her door.

His grin rivaled the Christmas lights on her tree. Her smile gave the lights of Manhattan a run for their money. She couldn't even speak for what seemed like forever, her thoughts were all jumbled into a mess of words that made no sense. Simply standing in her doorway, Kate let her eyes roam his face – memorizing every line, divot, dimple, and patch of scruff that had become so precious to her. His eyes fixed steady on her face, watching her watch him, giving her the space and time she needed to process the shift in their relationship. He would let her set the pace, just grateful that she had let him grapple to the other side of her wall.

Rick held his breath as Kate's hand rose to toy with the lapels of his coat, her fingers tangling in the weave of his scarf, her lungs hitching visibly in her chest. "There's no mistletoe in this doorway," she murmured. He made note that her voice sounded soft and Christmasy – if there was such an adjective.

"No," he shook his head. "I didn't want you kissing every Tom, Dick, or Harry that stopped by your apartment."

Her grin pursed, and she tilted her head invitingly. "I guess you need to come inside then."

His dimple quirked in the side of his cheek. "Only if you plan on kissing me." He craned his neck a bit to peer at the inner sanctum of her apartment. "There's a lot of mistletoe in there."

A quiet laugh preceded the tug on his scarf, and he willingly let himself be led inside. Neither could seem to tear their eyes away from the other, and Rick surprised himself at having the presence of mind to kick the door shut with his foot. Before he could process the flash in her gaze, he was pivoted around and yanked against her body even as she used her hips to pivot them both toward the kitchen island. He hit the counter with a guttural 'oof', a bar stool goosing him in the rear end before clattering indignantly to the floor.

"Look up," she whispered, a sultry lilt to her voice that made his mouth go instantly dry.

He obeyed (how could he not?) and smiled at the mistletoe he saw hanging above him, then jumped with a start as her lips glided across his throat. Blood left his head for destinations further south and he stuttered a response to her take-charge actions. "Uh… K-kate?"

"Hmmm?" She grabbed the edges of his scarf and walked backwards, pulling him along with her to where the next sprig of mistletoe hung from the ceiling.

"We…" A near-whimper gurgled in the back of his throat as her breasts brushed against his chest, her lips and teeth and tongue branding his earlobe for her own use. He whispered a curse word as his head fell back to rest against the wall in surrender. His grand gesture of mistletoe-ing Kate's apartment was very quickly backfiring on him.

"You know what?" he muttered through gritted teeth when she looked up at him in mild concern. "Never mind."

Gripping her gently by the upper arms, he invaded her personal space and walked her down the hallway – a kiss to her ear under one sprig of mistletoe, a light nip of his teeth along her jaw line under the next one, a swipe of his tongue across her bottom lip at the one after that. Each kiss gave them a taste of what they were seeking, each taste building the anticipation to the boiling point, and both were breathing raggedly by the time they reached her bedroom door.

"Kate –" he moaned in regret when she began to unbutton his shirt (his coat and scarf were discarded in a pile somewhere in the hallway), his chivalry warring with his hormones for domination. "Not tonight," he finally breathed. "Not yet."

She sagged against the door, her body humming with need but her mind knowing she would be grateful in the morning for his wisdom tonight. Nodding, she raked her fingers through her hair before sliding her arms around his waist and burying her face in his chest.

"Castle…" she mumbled against his shirt. "Why did you start a mistletoe garden in my apartment for 'not tonight'?"

"I don't know," he groaned. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

He laughed with her, their mingled chuckles shaking his upper body, before he went on, "Actually, it was only meant as a joke. I did all of this _before_ the whole mistletoe-headband incident of this afternoon. Had I known this morning what I know now – namely that you would willingly let me kiss you – I would not have tortured myself with all of this … opportunity."

Kate eased out of the embrace and gave him a rueful smile. "Come on," she invited, cocking her head toward the living room. "Let's go look at the tree."

Following her to the couch, Rick sat next to her and closed his eyes against a rush of emotion when she snuggled into his side. He had dreamed of this moment – of the mistletoe moments – of this whole week of moments – so many times over the past year. Now that it was reality, he…. Wait a minute. Something had been nagging at him ever since Beulah's conversation with Kate in the doctor's office that morning. Suddenly, he realized what it was.

"Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"You weren't surprised."

"What?" She shifted in his arms so she could stare at him in confusion, the light of the tree dancing across her face and nearly distracting him from the question pressing against his mind.

"When Joshua's grandmother talked about giving thanks for the man who loves you … you weren't surprised." He sat up straighter as another thought occurred to him. "You said I'd waited long enough." Kate froze, her gaze reflecting a deep sadness that cut him to the quick. Lifting his fingers to her face, he brushed the tips along her cheek and followed her jaw line with a gentle touch that brought tears to her eyes. "You remembered, didn't you?"

Hesitating a fraction of a lifetime, Kate finally nodded. "How long?" he whispered around the thickness in his throat.

"Always," she choked out, scooting forward to let her hand fall lightly to his chest when he started to pull away. "I was scared, Castle. Of everything. I didn't _want_ to remember. I'm sorry, Rick. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm so, so sorry."

He held her gaze, blue eyes searching green ones for honesty and finding it. Nodding slowly, he gathered her into a tender embrace and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I forgive you," he murmured into her hair, absorbing the grateful shudder that rippled through her smaller frame. "You were protecting both of us … I get it."

She sat up, staying in the circle of his arms, and let him see the tear stains on her cheeks, the moisture still lingering on her lashes. "Castle…_Rick_… I don't deserve your lo… your forgiveness."

He dried the dampness with his sleeve and smiled adoringly at her. "And yet you get both," he acknowledged both the word she omitted and the word she allowed.

"Why?" The word forced itself from her lips, her eyes luminous with the need to see into his reasoning.

Rick was quiet for a moment, his mind searching for the right words to explain something that was, if truth be told, unexplainable. His fingers toyed with the hair that cascaded around her shoulders. "Because … I would want the same from you."

Biting her lip in uncertainty, she considered his words and his heart and his touch. Her hand covered his heart and she smiled at the steady beat beneath her palm. "You have it," she whispered at last. "The same from me."

He couldn't breathe – all involuntary bodily function ceased with her soft words. The word 'love' hadn't been formed by her lips (lips that were increasingly distracting him again, by the way), but it gleamed in her eyes and it pulsed through her touch. He would take it. It was enough for now – it gave him hope that 'for now' would not be as long as he'd originally thought. Covering her hand with his, he smiled, his eyes crinkling with the freedom that comes when the weight of the world is removed from your shoulders.

"There's no mistletoe hanging here," he noted with a glance skyward then back to Kate. "But could I get away with a kiss in spite of my poor lack of planning?"

She grinned, and his heart lurched in response. "You could get away with a lot more than a kiss if you weren't so chivalrous."

Groaning, he dipped his head to graze the tip of her nose with a light kiss. "Don't tell me that," he chastised.

Shifting her legs, Kate rose on her knees against the cushions and planted her hands on his shoulders, pushing him slightly against the arm of the couch. Her hair tumbled around his face, accelerating his need for her and tempting him with whatever that holiday scent was. He needed to find out … _What_ he needed to find out had escaped him already, however. Kate was leaning over him, her lips hovering millimeters from his, her weight just brushing against his frame.

"Merry Christmas, Castle," she murmured with a knowing smirk, keeping her body just out of reach as she lowered her head to capture his mouth in a slow, seductive kiss.

He was trembling by the time she eased away, and he followed her, pinning her beneath him and tangling his hands in her hair. Angling her head to the perfect angle, he touched his mouth to hers once – twice – with a tenderness that made her whole body ache with longing. He chuckled at her whimpered plea and relented, settling into the kiss that she demanded even as his weight settled lightly over hers – tempered by a gentle restraint but quivering with a deepening hunger. Kiss after kiss after delicious kiss, he took them to the brink before easing them back to a soothing rhythm.

"Kate," he moaned softly into her mouth, her tongue stealing the word – and his coherence.

"I know," she echoed his protest even as her body arched beneath his. Her hands were well and truly driving him insane. Pressing into her for one glorious moment, he let her feel what she was doing to him and swallowed the breathy groan that caught in her throat. Rick rested his forehead against hers and struggled to tame the ragged heaving of his lungs before lifting himself to a sitting position with one last (apologetic) kiss.

"I need to go," he stated needlessly, raking his hand through his hair, merely succeeding in mussing it further. "I don't want to go."

She smiled in spite of the charged haze that encircled her and reached out to wrangle the tousled locks back into some semblance of order. "If it helps, I don't want you to go either."

He returned her grin and sighed, raising her fingers to his lips. "It doesn't help," he chided. "But it does."

Helping her to her feet, he led them both toward the door and stole another kiss before slipping into the hallway outside her apartment. He lingered, seeming to debate whether or not to say what he wanted to say. After a bit, he leaned close and uttered hoarsely, "I love you, Kate."

He was gone before she could respond, but her heart swelled until she thought it might burst and kill her on the spot. "I love you, too," she whispered into the empty space that stared back at her.

One day – soon – she would have the courage to say it to his face.


	13. Chapter 13

_All I really want for Christmas_

_Is someone to tuck me in,_

_A shoulder to cry on if I lose,_

_Shoulders to ride on if I win._

_There's so much I could ask for_

_But there's just one thing I need._

_All I really want for Christmas is a family._

_~Steven Curtis Chapman, All I Really Want_

**December 21, 2011**

Kate stretched her arms overhead and burrowed deeper under the covers before reaching for her phone and re-reading the texts that had been exchanged the night before. She felt a thrill of desire at the words he'd sent, and her heart skittered off kilter at the memories.

* * *

><p><em><strong>So why is it again that I'm in bed alone with all this mistletoe? Why not tonight?<strong>_

_Ever hear of the phrase "Do what you've always done and you'll get what you've always gotten"?_

_**Yes. Not sure how that answers my question though.**_

_I've screwed up every other relationship I've been in. I don't want the same results this time. So I'm trying things differently. _

_**Is this your way of telling me that you're a hop-into-bed-on-the-first-date kinda guy?**_

_Was. I was that kinda guy._

_**Not anymore?**_

_Not for a long time._

* * *

><p>Her toes curled into the blanket and she didn't even try to wipe the giddy smile off of her face. He made her feel … cherished … loved … wanted … just by <em>not<em> sleeping with her within hours of starting this new phase of their relationship. Imagine how she would feel after finally spending the night in his arms, in his bed – tangled limbs between the sheets and everything. The thought was enough to warrant a cold shower this morning, but just as she hopped out of bed (the irony!) her phone rang in her hands.

"Beckett." She swept her hair out of her face and held it above her head with a practiced wrist.

"Detective Beckett!" Alexis' cheery voice surprised Kate.

"Alexis. Hi. What's up? And it's Kate… again… please." She leaned in the doorframe leading into the bathroom and waited to find out why Castle's daughter had called.

"Today's tradition. Dad isn't going to invite you to come along today because he's being all weird and embarrassed and startlingly humble for him."

Kate arched an eyebrow and bent a knee, propping her foot up against the door jamb. "Castle? Humble? Is he sick?"

Alexis laughed. "You'd think he would be, but no." She paused, and Kate heard the voices of other teens growing louder in the background. "I only have a half-day today and then we're out for Christmas break. Every year on this day, we go on a mega shopping spree and then we take the toys and gifts to one of the New York Foundling's Mother-Child homes… and we sorta have a party for the teenage moms and their kids."

"Wow," Kate breathed, otherwise speechless. She'd known Castle had a big heart and a big wallet to support it, but she never really pictured him doing something like this. And then to keep it from her – that really didn't make any sense. "But… I don't get it, Alexis. Why wouldn't he want me to come?"

"I didn't say he doesn't want you to come. He just doesn't feel like he should ask you. So, I'm asking you instead."

"Does he know you're asking me?"

"Umm… no, not really. But trust me, Kate, he'll be really, really glad you're there."

Chuckles rumbled in Kate's chest. "Where should I be and what time should I be there?"

Alexis gave her all the vital details and hesitated for a few seconds before adding, "Kate – you make my dad really happy. I just … I just wanted you to know that."

Blinking back a sudden rush of emotion, the detective drew a shaky breath and smiled. "Thanks, Alexis. He – he makes me really happy, too."

"Good." Castle's daughter blew out a relieved breath. "I don't want him to be hurt."

"I'm not going to hurt him, Alexis." Kate inhaled deeply and smiled at her own realization. "I… He means a lot to me. More than anyone else in my life."

"I'm glad you guys finally figured this out," his daughter replied somewhat cryptically. "Gotta go, Kate. I'll see you this afternoon."

After that, the day seemed to fly by and before Kate knew it she was heading through the door of the Foundling Mother-Child home in Manhattan. What she assumed was an otherwise normal great-room had been transformed into a magical Christmas wonderland – thanks, she knew, to that army of elves she was convinced Castle had to have at his disposal. The man in question was holding court in the far corner of the room, helping the world's most perfect Santa hand out gifts, and she began weaving her way through the crowd of people. Waving to Alexis and Martha, she'd made it about halfway to his post before he looked over and saw her, a wide grin splitting his face in two even as his eyes flicked to Alexis in surprise.

"Heard you were suffering from a bout of humility," Kate teased when she reached him, hooking her arm through his with a bright smile of greeting.

His eyes flared with undisguised pleasure, and he led her off to the side before he lowered his head to kiss her, one hand sliding inside her coat to rest at her waist. "Hi," he murmured huskily.

When she didn't pull away, he chanced a second kiss – light and sweet, like the first one – and felt his heart scamper erratically when a hum of bliss vibrated in the back of Kate's throat. "Hi," she whispered. If he didn't know better (this _was_ Kate Beckett, after all), he'd have sworn she sounded downright dreamy.

At the questioning arch of his brow, she ducked her head on a sudden bout of shyness and mumbled, "I missed you today."

His finger at her chin, he tipped her face upward and gently nuzzled her nose with his. "I missed you, too."

He stayed wrapped in the coziness of the moment until Kate – out of the blue – smacked him on the shoulder. "Ow!" he brayed, rubbing the spot with an exaggerated grimace. "What was that for?"

"Why wouldn't you tell me about this?" she demanded, arms crossing indignantly at her chest.

"Uh…" His voice faltered, and he felt as sheepish as Richie Cunningham in HappyDays. "Well… I don't know, Kate." He completed the picture by rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. "It just seemed… arrogant… sort-of."

"Since when does Rick Castle pass up the opportunity to tell a female about how much money he has – especially when he's giving it away to teenage mothers and their children?" She was grinning, teasing him, but there was truth behind her words and they both knew it.

Rick's eyes turned serious, and she caught her breath as his heart gazed back at her. When he spoke, his words washed over her like the first snow of the season. "Since he fell in love with you."

Air whooshed from her lungs as though someone had just punched her in the gut. He completely stole her ability to speak – even to think – coherently, and all she could manage in reply was a raspy, "Rick…"

With a final kiss to her jaw line, he retreated to his spot next to Santa Claus just in time to hand a beautifully wrapped spa gift basket to a young teenage girl and a gargantuan teddy bear to her 15-month-old son. Kate watched him, love quaking through her until her knees were weak with realization. She headed over to where Alexis was playing Christmas carols on the piano and slid to a seat next to her on the bench.

"See?" Rick's daughter said with a wink and a nudge – not missing a beat in the song beneath her fingers. "I told you he would be really, really glad you were here."

Kate felt herself blushing, and her bottom lip found its way nervously between her teeth. "Yeah… he seemed to be."

Alexis snorted. "Please. That goofy grin is going to freeze to his face if he's not careful. And if he looks over here one more time, I'm fining him a dollar for excessive PDA."

The redhead eased out of one Christmas song and into another before glancing at Kate and softly asking, "Do you love him?"

Kate froze, her lungs constricting painfully, her scar throbbing in protest. She gulped in several breaths of air before turning to look Alexis directly in the eyes. Before she answered, she let her gaze migrate toward Castle and shifted back to Alexis as her heart thudded with terrified courage. "I do. Yes." A relieved smile broke across her face, and tears filled her eyes even as laughter bubbled in her chest. "I do, Alexis. I really do."

Alexis' eyes also welled, and she blinked rapidly to quell the emotion as she forced her attention to return to the refrain of "Jingle Bells" across the familiar keys. "I'm glad," she finally whispered, so quietly that Kate almost missed the approval in her voice. "I'm not sure anyone – besides me and Grams – has ever really loved him for him, not for how famous he is or how much money he makes."

As the song ended, she briefly tilted her face toward the detective still seated next to her and gave her a watery smile. "Thanks, Kate."

"What is all of this?" Castle's voice sounded over Kate's shoulder, and she looked at him in surprise. "We're supposed to be spreading Christmas _cheer_, not _tears_. Was there a typo on the super-secret family memo?" His hands cradled Kate's upper arms with a gentle caress, and she let her weight relax against his chest, raising her chin to meet his smiling gaze.

"They're tears of cheer, does that make it better?"

Rick laughed and reached around Kate to tweak his daughter's ear. "Everything okay, pumpkin?"

Alexis beamed and nodded. "More than okay, Dad."

Flexing her fingers, she launched into a peppy rendition of "Rudolph", and Rick – satisfied that all was well – leaned close to Kate's ear to whisper, "Wanna help me get something out of the car?"

She readily agreed and followed him outside, her suspicions growing when he reached the car and merely leaned against it instead of opening it to retrieve the mystery 'something'. Tugging her into his embrace, he emitted a low groan when her body nestled snugly against his. He moved her hair out of the way and cupped either side of her jaw just below her ears. Angling his face and beginning a slow descent, he watched her eyelids flutter closed and settled his lips over hers with a hungry growl. She surrendered to his feasting of her mouth and gripped his elbows, allowing herself to relax into the moment and returning his kiss with an equal fervor. His fingers knotted in her tresses and he pulled her closer, swallowing her quiet moan and nipping at her lip in gentle reproof.

"Castle…" she breathed as his lips traveled to her earlobe. She gasped his name again as his tongue swirled around the sensitive cartilage, and her grip on his elbows tightened in time with the spasm that wracked her frame. He left a trail of kisses along her jaw, stopping to lavish her chin and throat with attention, before making his way to the opposite ear and repeating his tongue's worship of that lobe as well. As he eased away to take in the beauty of her face – the heightened color in her cheeks, the glazed dilation to her pupils, the erotic parting of her lips – he felt her lower body tuck more intimately into his and nearly choked on his own tongue.

"What… uh … what did you need from the car?" Kate managed to get out, glad he was still holding her to allow her wobbly legs a chance for recovery before she would be forced to stand on her own strength. Rick's face creased into a slow, sexy smile, and he watched as realization dawned on her face. "You didn't need anything, did you? This was just a ruse to make out with me, wasn't it?"

"Guilty as charged," he chuckled. Winking at her, he added, "Would that be considered filing a false report with a police officer?"

"Maybe," she teased in return. "Should I arrest you?"

"If that involves your handcuffs, then yes please." His quick retort brought a laugh to her eyes, and he ran a finger down her nose as she crinkled her face in amusement. "But – at the risk of sounding maudlin and cheesy – I _did_ need something, Kate. I needed you. Plain and simple."

Burying her face in his warm chest, she pressed a kiss to his heart. "I think I like maudlin and cheesy."

He feathered his lips against her hair and wrapped his arms more tightly around her slender torso. "Me too."


	14. Chapter 14

"I have decided there are some perks to dating someone who's rich and famous," Kate observed as she and the Castle trio exited Serendipity and paused on the sidewalk to wait for Rick's driver. Her lips still tasted like the frozen hot chocolate that the four of them had ordered at the trendy café they'd ducked into after the Christmas party at the Mother-Child Home. The surprised flash of delight in his eyes, accompanied by the equally elated grin on his face, had Kate rewinding her words to see what had given him such joy.

Ugh.

_Dating_.

Crap.

She'd said 'dating' and implied that descriptive to her relationship with Rick. No wonder he looked like a little kid who'd just opened his stocking on Christmas morning. Fighting the urge to flee – at least emotionally – she met his gaze and caught her breath at the dazzling tint of love that swirled in his blue irises. Oh, who was she kidding? Of course they were dating. How could they not be?

"Go on," Rick said, his voice low and soothing with a hint of flirtation behind the words. He tucked her hand into his palm and tweaked her fingers through their gloves. "I'm interested in hearing more about this – especially the bits about perks and dating."

"You heard that, huh?" She bit her lip to hide the smile that threatened and stepped closer to his warmth. She was vaguely aware that the town car had arrived, that Alexis and Martha were already inside, but she didn't care at the moment because Rick slid his hands inside her coat to pull her more snugly against him. He rested his touch at her hips, and his fingers found the space between the hem of her sweater and the waistband of her jeans. The shivers that quivered through her had nothing to do with the temperature outside.

"So… the perks?" he reminded her, swiping his index fingers along the skin he'd discovered.

"Well," Kate pointed out with a nod to the line nearby that wove around the street – all people waiting for their turn to sample Serendipity's wares. "We didn't have to wait in line, and we got excellent service. The waitress was practically falling all over herself to make sure you had everything you needed."

"Was she?" His eyebrow quirked curiously. "I honestly didn't notice."

Kate smiled, pleased more than she should have been. "She was. I did."

"Hmmm," he studied his profile in the storefront's window. "Probably couldn't resist my rugged handsome-osity."

"That's not a word, Castle."

"I'm a writer," he huffed with a wink. "I can make a new word any time I want to."

She rolled her eyes, though the twinkle in them gave her away. "And, just like that, the humility from earlier is gone."

Chuckling softly, he tilted his head to meet her gaze and his cheek dimpled. "And the thing about dating…?"

She tried to think of a good way to express what she was feeling – but she couldn't. Instead, she stood slightly on her tiptoes and brushed her lips across his, wondering if his skin was tingling as much as hers was from even the brief contact. "You're the writer," she murmured in his ear, feeling the thick swallow he gave in reply. "You figure it out."

Leaving him standing on the sidewalk – stunned into a gaping silence – she twisted her mouth into a teasing smile and spun on her heels to head for the waiting car. Climbing inside, she collapsed to a seat across from Martha and Alexis and watched as Castle appeared to clear his throat and look at the people around him with a satisfied smirk. He flexed his gloved fingers and sauntered to join his family, sliding in next to Kate and flinging a possessive arm around her shoulders. The door closed behind him, and he faced his mother and daughter with a boyish smile as the engine stopped idling and merged into the holiday traffic.

"Guess what?" he asked them, practically bouncing in his seat with unbridled joy.

"Dare we?" Martha parried, knowing he would ignore her.

He did. "Kate's my girlfriend now!"

Silence.

Then,

"Gosh, Dad. What are you? Fourteen?"  
>"Your girlfriend? Alexis is right, Richard, honestly… you know, for a writer, you have a very limited vocabulary."<p>

"What?" he retorted, clearly flummoxed by their reactions. He glanced to Kate and saw that she was trying not to laugh at him. "What did I say that was so wrong?"

She covered her mouth for moment to tame her amusement, reaching out with her other hand to pat his hand reassuringly. "Not wrong. Just … juvenile. File it under 'things a high school boy might say'." At his continued look of confusion, she giggled and shook her head. "I'll explain it to you later, Castle."

He perked up, eyes only on her, attention focused so intensely on Kate that she felt as though she were the only other occupant of the town car. "Does that mean we'll be alone later?"

She felt the implications in a lightning bolt of heat that shot through her core. "Well… as you so eloquently put it, I guess I _am_ your girlfriend now. And considering I've barely seen you all day, I'd say being alone later is a safe bet."

He lit up and scooted closer, tucking some hair behind her ears and letting his touch linger at her earlobe. "You know, while we're on the subject of being alone and high school – schoolgirl Kate is a new fantasy. Like two minutes ago new."

"Castle –"  
>"Dad! Ew."<br>"Richard, I thought we weren't going to be talking about your fantasies anymore."

Flushing bright red, he turned to his daughter and mother with an apologetic cough. "Sorry. Forgot there were others in the car."

Laughter accompanied his confession, and the conversation moved easily on to other holiday-related topics. His arm stayed around Kate's shoulders, though, and as she talked with Alexis about Christmas stockings she laid her hand on his knee. Reaching across with his free hand, he covered hers and held the clasped appendages together against the bend of his leg. Love welled up in him – for his beautiful daughter, for his quirky mother, and for the extraordinary woman who was giving him a chance, giving _them_ a chance. Feeling overwhelmed at the depth of emotion pulsing through his heart, he leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Kate's temple, capturing her lips when she turned toward him in pleasant surprise.

"What was that for?" she whispered shyly when he eased away, her eyes shifting to Alexis and Martha with mild embarrassment.

"For not shooting me when I first started shadowing you."

A startled chuckle gurgled in Kate's throat. "That was 4 years ago, Castle. You're just now thanking me for that?"

"Well," he shrugged, a smiling sparkle in his gaze. "You _would_ have shot me if I'd kissed you back then." At her nod of agreement, he grinned. "There've been lots of times over the years that I would have gladly kissed you if I thought I could get away with it. File this under 'Things Castle will do to make up for lost time'."

It was her turn to grin – a sultry, come-hither, you-have-no-idea, next-time-without-the-tiger kind of grin. "As long as I get to make up for lost time, too."

He didn't know what to say to that.

His brain had ceased all function. His lungs weren't faring much better. The very thought that there had been moments when she wanted to kiss _him_ – and that she wanted to revisit those moments and redeem them – made all the blood in his body head in a single direction, his mouth drying out so fast that his tongue literally stuck to its roof. Fortunately, he was saved from having to react coherently when Kate started a conversation with Martha about her acting school. She seemed quite in charge of her faculties – at least the words he heard made sense.

In fact, he had about concluded that she had forgotten about him altogether, when her hand rose to aid him in closing the jaw that had dropped in reaction to her flirting. She let her fingers trace the column of his throat, still talking with Martha, and finally brought her hand to rest over his – again at his knee, back where they'd started a few moments ago. She pressed her fingers to his and turned to him just long enough to shoot him a quick wink before shifting her attention back to Martha's excited ramblings.

She loved him.

He knew.


	15. Chapter 15

_**A/N: *puts hands over face in embarrassment* I hate writing these scenes ...**_

* * *

><p>"Alone at last."<p>

Kate turned at the sound of Rick's voice, tearing her attention away from the gorgeous view outside his window to drink in the gorgeous view approaching her. He slid his arms around her waist and pivoted her body until she was looking outside once more. She settled into the embrace and placed a hand over his clasped ones at her abdomen. Lights from the city below twinkled impishly back at the duo, and Kate let out a small gasp of joy at the sight of tiny white flakes floating by the window.

"Hey, look at that! It's snowing," Rick murmured softly into her hair. Kate sighed happily and gazed at the picture the two of them made, aware of every line and chisel of his frame enveloped around her curves.

"This is weird," she finally blurted, causing Rick's mirror image to frown in concern.

"What's weird?" he asked. "You and me – like this?"

"No." She shook her head and met his eyes in the reflection. "That's what's weird – it's _not_ weird."

Rick was silent for a moment before chuckling lightly. "I'm not even going to pretend to understand that." He kissed her behind the ear and added, "But if this is your way of saying that 'we' feel 'right', then I agree."

She hummed a response, the feeling of him rustling behind her preceded the smooth sound of holiday jazz that filled the apartment. Shifting in his arms she cocked a curious eyebrow and met his eyes that were crinkled in a tender smile. "Dance with me?" he requested, a flash of uncertainty shadowing his face until she graced him with a brilliant smile of acquiescence. He led her into an easy sway that belied the pounding of his heart, and he felt his body tense with need as Kate grazed the underside of his jaw with her lips. When her teasing kisses migrated to the column of his throat he growled a low grunt of warning, and the last vestige of his control fizzled to a slow burn when she sucked lightly at the pulse point that attested to his skittering heart rate.

Scooping her into his arms, he carried her to the couch and practically fell to a seat while keeping her cradled on his lap. He found her lips at once and reveled in the discovery that she tasted like a mixture of chocolate and marshmallows – probably something to do with the hot cocoa they'd had before Alexis and Martha had retired to bed. Grunting his appreciation of the talent she had with her mouth, he slid his hands to her hips and anchored her lightly in place. She plundered – he plundered – and the world tipped itself into a dizzying equilibrium where everything made sense and nothing made sense all at once. Kate's throat gurgled a whimpery purr, and she wriggled on his lap in an attempt to gain better access to his mouth. His hands at her hips flexed in reaction, and he twisted her body until she was lying on her back against the cushions, his body following hers to hover over her without breaking their kiss. He settled against her warmth with a slow, ragged sigh, muffled by Kate's lips and echoed in her chest.

"Wow," she breathed when he broke for air, her hips arching toward him as if they had a mind of their own.

Rick let his eyes drift over her flushed face, committing to memory her dilated pupils, her shallow breathing, her parted lips, her - His gaze going wide, he braced his weight on one hand and used the other to grab her wrist mid-twirl. "You're doing that hair twirl-flip thing!"

"That hair twirl-flip thing?" Kate repeated in a dry monotone, her smile twitching in confused amusement.

"Yeah!" He pushed himself up on his knees and used his grip on her wrist to tug her vertical as well. Releasing her, he let his fingers replace hers and continued the motion she had started, winding her hair loosely around his touch.

"Castle, I'm having a little trouble following you. I was twirling my hair – so what?"

Pointing at her knowingly, he was practically bursting with glee. "You twirled your hair before you went on that date – the one with the… the self-absorbed firefighter guy."

"Oh." She lowered her eyes and - he knew she wasn't aware of her actions – began twirling her locks once more. "Yeah. Well." Shrugging, she met his gaze and grinned self-consciously. "I know something else about that night – something that you don't know."

"Oh really?" His face took on the boyish expression that she loved so much, and she felt herself melt even further than she already had been. She – Kate Beckett – _melted._First the floating, now the melting. It was true – wonders never cease.

"Yes really. You know when you took my dress bag and offered me your arm?"

"When we were heading out to Remys for burgers?"

"Yep." She nodded, saw what she was doing with her hair and let her hand fall awkwardly into her lap. "Well, we were walking to the elevators, and … I realized I was … twirling."

"You were twirling?" He sat up a little straighter, and the creases around his eyes crinkled a little deeper. "Over me?"

"So it would seem." Kate raised her hand and ran her fingers along the very sexy stubble that covered his jaw. "I realized what it meant and it scared me to death, Castle." Her eyes shuttered with regret. "So I ran – emotionally. I tried to overcome my fears after you asked me to go to the Hamptons with you, and then Gina…"

"And then I took your courage and flung it back in your face. No wonder you ran." He stroked her face and smiled sadly. "I'm so sorry, Kate."

"You didn't know," she assured him. "I hid it very well from you – from nobody else, apparently… but at least from you."

He processed her words, reviewing in his mind what she'd said, and tilted his head to the side in curiosity. "You said you realized what it meant – that you twirled over me. What did it mean, Kate?"

Swallowing nervously, she stood and began to pace in front of him. It felt like an eternity to him, but she eventually slowed to a stop and turned to face him. "It meant…" Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and took the plunge. "Castle, it meant I was falling in love with you."

Awestruck, he rose to his feet, never taking his attention off her face, his eyes bright and luminous in the sparkle of the Christmas lights. He cupped the back of her neck with both hands and inhaled poignantly. On the exhale, he breathed her name and touched her lips with a reverent kiss. "And now? What did it mean just now?"

His eyes were hopeful and at the same time vulnerable, and Kate felt her heart break just a little as she gazed back at him with her own vulnerability. "It means… It means I love you too, Rick."

Silence.

And then his lips crushed hers, her body yanked tightly against his, his touch trembling with desperation. He laved and licked and soothed and ignited until she was capable of nothing but holding on and riding out the onslaught of sensation spiking through her nervous system. The next thing she knew, they were moving – frantically heading for his bedroom, dodging (most of) the living room and office furniture only by the mercy of a higher power.

Her shirt was discarded somewhere in the vicinity of his desk; his shirt draped itself over the TV in the office after Kate flung it haphazardly over his shoulder. One of her boots thunked against the wall, Rick yanking its partner from her other foot and tossing it to fall where it may – which happened to result in a broken lamp near the dresser. His belt had been pulled free and now dangled from the ceiling fan. Her jeans became the next target when they reached the bed, and their removal did not go as suavely as Rick had hoped, detoured by a tangle of legs and feet and hands and uncooperative denim. Flicking the pants free of his wrist with an impatient growl, he was startled back to reality by the sound of Kate's soft laughter.

"A little impatient?" she murmured, humor lacing her words, her tongue stuck wryly in her cheek.

"Hell, yes," he agreed. "Four years worth of impatient. And… I'm afraid you're going to change your mind."

"About wanting you or loving you?"

"Either. Both."

Kate shook her head and dragged her touch across his bare chest, resting her fingers at the button of his jeans, smirking with satisfaction at the hoarse intake of breath that clenched his abdominal muscles beneath her hand. "Not a chance, Rick. I want you. I love you. I'm not changing my mind."

He sat back on his knees and held out his arm. "Do me a favor? Pinch me. I need to know this is real and not another dream. Sometimes, they're very …" He coughed. "Vivid."

Propping her weight on her elbows, she walked her fingers along his waistband and smiled up at him with a grin that quite literally dazzled him. "I'll do you one better," she quipped in her best bedroom voice and had to suppress a giggle at the stunned someone-just-hit-me-over-the-head-with-a-baseball-bat expression on Rick's face. With expert fingers that suddenly felt leaden and clumsy, she flicked his button free of its loop (after several tries) and slowly slid the zipper down its toothed path. He groaned hungrily and reached for her again; she met his lips and kissed him back with a fervor that matched his own.

He dragged kisses along her jaw, down her throat, pausing to explore her collar bone and finally worshipping her cleavage with an ardor that made Kate gasp for air. "Oh Kate," he whispered, sitting back again to absorb her beauty – a beauty that made all of his fantasies and however-vivid dreams seem like childish cartoons. "Wow, Kate. You're – you're stunning."

Zeroing in on the front clasps to her bra, he traced the lacy pattern with a touch that made Kate shiver with anticipation. He fumbled to undo it, clenching his teeth in frustration when it proved more of an obstacle than he had anticipated. "Where did you get this bra?" he muttered as he fiddled with the fasteners. "NASA? Fort Knox?"

"Victoria's Secret," she retorted tolerantly, swatting his fingers away to help.

He rejoined her efforts and swore under his breath. "Does Victoria have something against me? Is that her secret?"

"No, Castle. I don't know why it's being so stubborn." She sat up and tucked her chin to get a better view of the trouble-maker, her hands brushed aside by Rick's decisive movements.

"How attached are you to this bra?" he asked, his voice strained.

"Apparently very attached," she joked but quickly sobered at the withering glare he shot her. "Sorry. Not the time for humor. Got it."

He ripped the undergarment in two, evoking a startled and rather aroused moan from the woman he loved. Moving to cast it aside, he yelped when one of the wires stabbed him in the thumb, drawing blood. "This is ridiculous!" he complained around the wound, sucking it into his mouth in reaction. "Maybe it's a sign."

"Uh. Yeah. A sign that sexual encounters rarely turn out as passionately perfect as they do in the movies," Kate countered, pushing him gently to his back and straddling him over his knees. "Relax, Castle. The fates are not against us."

She tugged on his jeans to begin the removal process, gliding them over his hips without hindrance. "See?" she teased him smugly, her eyes sparkling with laughter even as he squirmed under her touch. The material responded to her direction, and his jeans were soon pooling around his ankles. "Nothing to worry about – OOF!"

With a muffled squeal, Kate fell backwards off the bed and landed on the floor with Rick's jeans still clutched in her hands. "Ow," she moaned with a rueful giggle, opening her eyes to see his concerned face peering at her from the bed. His lip quivered, then his eyes crinkled. His cheeks dimpled, and finally his chest shook with laughter. Kate stared at him incredulously before giving in to her own mirth. Flinging her arm over her eyes, she laughed until tears spilled over her lashes and rolled down her cheeks.

When they had both recovered to the point that their amusement had dwindled to occasional hiccups of humor, Rick leaned over and offered her a hand to help her back to the bed. Instead, she tugged until he toppled over the side and joined her on the floor. Mirth still tinting her demeanor, she rolled him on top of her and returned the smile he flashed her. She brushed her fingers along his collar bone and raked them through his already-tousled hair, arching close enough to initiate a kiss that re-ignited the temporarily-banked flames of desire. The rest of their clothing was discarded – mostly without incident – and soon the only sounds that could be heard (should anyone be listening) were moans and sighs and shouts of ecstasy.

As they let their breathing calm into a somewhat normal pattern, Kate reached over and rested her hand against his sweaty, heaving chest. "How's that for a sign?" she asked between gulps of air.

He laughed desperately – the sound high and giddy – and he gathered her closer, enjoying the feel of her skin against his. "I love you, Kate."

Pressing a kiss just above his breastbone, Kate snuggled into his arms and smiled. "I love you, too."

"Who needs signs?"

"Not me," she assured him.

"You're twirling your hair again," he pointed out.

Kate grinned. "You gave me a lot to twirl about, Big Rick."

If he were standing and mobile, he would have strutted. No matter what was under his tree, no Christmas gift could compare to the memory of Kate shattering beneath him with a keening cry of his first name that he knew he would never forget. "Do you think it's safe to get back in bed?" he asked with an exhausted chuckle.

"Why, Mr. Castle, does that mean you have plans to make me twirl my hair again?"

"Detective Beckett," he crooned huskily as he rose up to gaze down at her contented face. "You have no idea."


	16. Chapter 16

**December 23, 2011**

Kate caught Ryan's eye from across the bullpen, smiling secretly when he gave her a discreet nod. She relaxed in her chair and reflected over the past couple of days. Yesterday (Thursday) had been rather uneventful, business as usual at the precinct, despite the events that had transpired the previous night in Castle's loft. After work, Rick had needed to go home and help Alexis wrap presents, a task he informed her that she was not allowed to participate in since her own presents were on the gift-wrapping agenda. So, she'd been forced to return home for a hot bath, an array of candles, a good book, and her memories of the 21st.

Wednesday night … wow. Wednesday night with Castle had been a calamity of errors that had somehow transformed into the best sex she'd ever had. Kinda like their relationship, she mused with a quiet chuckle. The once rather dysfunctional dynamic between them had developed into the best relationship of her life – which probably had something to do with how mind-blowingly amazing their intimacy had been. She'd never been one to call it 'love-making' but truly – with Castle – there was just no other way to describe it.

A surprise kiss to her cheek startled her from her reverie, and she turned to set hungry eyes on the man who had been at the forefront of her thoughts for the majority of her week. He handed her a hot cup of coffee from the café he frequented near the precinct and quirked a grin at her as she took a grateful sip. "Good morning, my heart," he whispered, his voice warm and husky – sending delicious tingles down her spine.

"Castle…" she breathed in warning, though the affectionate gleam in her eyes downplayed her disapproval of his flirting.

"Right. At the precinct." He sighed heavily and plucked the coffee out of her unsuspecting hands. "I'll start over."

She watched him, stunned, as he left the bullpen and pivoted in the hallway to head right back inside the large room, eyes intent on her desk. He handed the coffee to her, a twinkle in his gaze despite his sincere attempt to remain aloof and detached. "Good morning, _Detective_," he amended with a wink and seated himself beside her desk after folding his coat and scarf and laying them across the back of his chair.

Suddenly unconcerned about whomever might observe them, Kate leaned forward, face shining with love, smile wide and brilliant. He almost (almost) reached for her, but restraint kicked in and held him back. "Good morning, Castle," she murmured.

At least that's what her voice said; her entire demeanor instead echoed his earlier words of _"__Good __morning, __my __heart__"_. They stayed like that for who knows how long – saying with their eyes and with the subtle nuances of their facial expressions what they couldn't vocalize here in front of their coworkers. The buzzing of Castle's and Kate's phones simultaneously broke the duo apart, and almost in unison both pairs of eyes swung to where Esposito and Ryan sat at their own desks. The other detectives smirked knowingly into their own phones, and Kate fidgeted in self-irritation as all four of them hung up and resumed their normal duties.

"Was that Espo on your phone?" Castle asked her sheepishly.

She grimaced and nodded. "Ryan on yours?"

He mimicked her response to his question. "Yeah… he said that we needed to quit having eye sex in front of the entire 12th precinct if we wanted to spare ourselves from a Gates inquiry."

"Espo said pretty much the same thing," Kate growled, clicking away at her computer – not really doing anything productive, just needing to do _something_ to distract herself from the embarrassment and desire and awkwardness and love that all seemed to be competing for dominance in her soul.

"I thought we were being pretty stealthy," Rick pouted, drawing Kate's attention to his face.

"Yes, well… clearly we weren't fooling anyone after all."

Their eyes held for a fraction of a second before Rick and Kate burst into quiet laughter that grew louder than they'd intended. "I – I don't think – we ever –really – fooled anyone," Rick gasped out between spasms of amusement, his arm clutching at his abdomen.

"Shows – how – smart –we – are," Kate agreed between her own bouts of laughter. She fought to regain control, not missing the way people were starting to stare at the two of them. "You know what we should do? We should totally just start making out in the middle of the bullpen. See how fast the bet money starts switching hands."

Castle's eyes flashed in approval at her suggestion. "I have some mistletoe in my coat pocket."

"I was _kidding_, Castle."

"Right." He sank into his chair and took a sip of his own coffee. "I knew that."

Out of the corner of her eye, Kate saw Esposito walk back in from the break room and hid a grin as he waggled the roll of Christmas paper in his hand. They had been cutting it close with Castle's gift – the one from the three of them – and Kevin's earlier nod had indicated that it had finally arrived. Javier must have just finished wrapping it (he took great pride in his gifting skills), and Kate felt herself visibly sag with relief that it had all come together in the end. He was going to love this – she couldn't wait!

"So – need a ride tonight?" she asked Castle, her eyes on her computer, appearing nonchalant as she finished an email to Lanie.

When he sputtered in reaction, spraying coffee dangerously close to her sleeve, she realized (belatedly) what she had just said and how it must have sounded to the adolescent branch of his mind. She winced in mortification and rubbed her hand over her face with a rueful groan. "To the Old Haunt. Do you need a ride to the Old Haunt?"

"Oh – for the little impromptu Christmas gathering for the four amigos?"

She crinkled her nose at him, and he chuckled under his breath. "The cuatro musketeers?"

Rolling her eyes, Kate muttered, "Oh, Castle…"

"Hmmm," he mused. "I seem to remember you saying that with a slightly different tone to your voice the other night."

"Castle!" she hissed, swatting at his shoulder and shooting him a glare that was, to be truthful, much softer than he was used to seeing from her. "Would you _please_ try and behave yourself? Just for today. After this, I'm off work until the 26th – and at some point during that time we need to figure out how we're going to handle this," she gestured between their bodies, "while we're here."

He raised his hands in surrender. "You're the one who offered to give me a ride. I was just…"

"Castle…"

"Beckett," Castle drawled, casually crossing his left ankle over his right knee. "Have I ever mentioned that I think you're adorable when you're steamed at me?"

She sighed, knowing her attempts at reining him in were a lost cause. "No. But it explains why you seem to go out of your way to tick me off all the time." Her soft smile warmed him, and his eyes creased with affection as he studied her.

"At any rate," he went on with a slow, easy grin. "I will gladly accept your offer of a ride. To the Old Haunt… and any other kind of ride you want to give me."

At her growl of half-hearted frustration, he took an innocent sip of coffee and observed (with pleasure) that her breath had gone imperceptibly shallower. Smirking, he stood – under the guise of refilling his coffee – and leaned over to murmur against the gentle slope of her ear, "I know where your mind is, Kate."

He straightened but couldn't resist one parting comment, his hand lightly on her shoulder, "I like that it's with me."

* * *

><p>Drinks and laughter were both flowing liberally at the Old Haunt that night, particularly from a corner booth filled with three of NYPD's finest and the writer they claimed as their own. Christmas paper and bows littered the floor around their table, and it was finally time for the gift Kate had been waiting to give. She hoisted the package from the floor and handed it to Rick with an eager smile, mirrored by the other two detectives seated in the opposite side of the booth.<p>

"We took a vote," she began, looking to Ryan and Esposito for confirmation.

"Unanimous," Esposito interjected.

"We decided it was time, bro," Ryan finished for the three of them, and all eyes shifted to watch Castle open his gift.

He slid his fingers across the snowman paper and searched their faces for some clue as to the gift's contents. When none was forthcoming, he popped the layer of tape that bound the seams together and tore the paper from the box underneath. Shaking the box, he was no closer to figuring out what was inside.

"Castle!" Kate sighed impatiently with a laugh, her smile nearly ear to ear. "For Pete's sake, open it!" Turning to Esposito and Ryan as he began to lift the lid, she added, "I swear, he's worse than a child sometimes."

Javier's slight chin nudge in Rick's direction had her focusing on Castle just as he removed the tissue paper that shrouded the Kevlar vest they had been waiting on for weeks. They had done it, Kate thrilled, with a look to his face. They had rendered Richard Castle speechless.

"You know," he finally managed, his words thick with emotion, his Adam's apple bobbing as he tried to verbalize the rest of his thoughts. "My 'writer' vest still works just fine. Mint condition."

Esposito cleared his throat. "We'll keep it for the next writer that elbows his way in to the precinct. You've earned this new one."

"Yeah, Castle," Ryan agreed. "We don't see you as just a writer tagging along anymore. We – all – see you as our partner."

Kate leaned in so her shoulder brushed against his, her hair falling across his jacket. Squeezing his hand, she attempted to speak around the lump in her own throat. There was so much she wanted to say. "One of us more than others."

It would have to do for now. The rest of the words and phrases and disjointed sentences of expression that were tumbling through her mind could wait until later – when they were alone.

Castle ran his hands over the blue Kevlar, his fingers paying special attention to the white letters that boldly declared his position in their lives. Where '_WRITER_' had been emblazoned across the vest he'd ordered himself, this one – the one they'd had specially made for him – this one said '_PARTNER_.'

Partner.

His eyes met Kate's, and her heart shone back at him. He took her hand and raised her fingers to his lips, placing a trembling kiss where he hoped to one day put a ring. Looking at Esposito and Ryan, he worked his vocal chords and tried once more to say something that came close to expressing how he felt in this moment.

"Thank you," he finally choked out. "Seriously. From the bottom of my heart, thank you." Glasses were raised, a toast was given to partnerships, and the four friends resumed their customary banter. All seemed back to normal, except for the clasped hands held lovingly at Castle's knee, hidden from prying eyes by the table.

To partners, indeed …

* * *

><p><strong>See that little button down there? The one that says 'Review'? I'd be honored if you'd click it and leave some feedback as my Christmas present :)<strong>


	17. Chapter 17

**_A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. I hate it when authors leave me hanging. I got busy with Christmas and then I frankly just kinda got unmotivated in writing and stalled out. Next time (if there IS a next time haha) I will make sure I have a nice cushion built up before I start posting! Just a few more chapters left in this one ... _**

* * *

><p><strong>December 24, 2011<strong>

The persistent knocking on her door dragged Kate from her Castle-filled dreams, and she pulled the pillow over her head in a fit of defiance. When the buzzing of her phone joined the fray, she groaned a resigned sigh and sat up in bed, the covers bunched loosely around her. She reached for the offending noise-maker and rubbed her hand over her face as she answered the call with a groggy yawn. "Whaddya want, Castle?"

"Good Christmas Eve morning to you, too, Kate."

She smiled. "Good morning, Rick."

"It's Christmas Eve, Kate! The sun is shining, the forecast calls for snow, and gift opening commences in 24 hours. Why are you still in bed?"

Stretching, she wiggled her toes beneath the blankets and leaned back against the headboard. "How do you know I'm still in bed?"

"One – because you have that incredibly sexy," his voice dipped lower, "voice that tells me you just woke up. Two – I've been knocking on your door for like twenty minutes and you didn't answer. So either you've got someone else in there with you – please say no – or you've been deep in dreamland."

She laughed huskily and pursed her lips in an unsuccessful attempt to stifle the wide grin that erupted at (quite simply) how cute he sounded in her ear. "Hmmm… Maybe I've been waiting for you."

Silence answered her, and she could almost see the comical contortions that desire would stretch across his face. "You going to open the door?" he growled through the phone. She felt a small thrill of heat shiver through her core, and boldness surged in her spirit.

"You still got that key that you stole from my dad?"

"I did _not_ steal the key. He gave it to me and –"

"Castle."

"Yes?"

"You could use the key."

"The key I did not – oh!" She heard him rustling in his coat, his voice muffled as he told her he'd be right there. Then – nothing. Staring at the phone in bemusement, Kate glanced down at her red flannel pajamas with snowman dancing playfully all over. Not the sexiest thing she could have worn to bed … but then again she had been alone last night. After the impromptu party at the Old Haunt, she and Castle had parted ways with a very sweet kiss, a few gentle caresses, and the promise of tomorrow.

And now… it was tomorrow.

"Hi."

Her still-sleepy gaze swept his body as he stood casually in her bedroom doorway, taking in the French-blue long-sleeved shirt and faded denim jeans that set off his eyes and muscles quite nicely. _ Quite_ nicely. She stretched again and sighed, but neither had anything to do with sleep.

"Hi."

Rick's eyes lit up at the sultry timbre to her voice, and he shoved away from the doorjamb to hold out a cup of coffee. She accepted it eagerly and drew her legs up, nodding to indicate he could sit in the space she'd just created. Sipping the hot beverage, she watched him over the lid, her forehead scrunching at the amusement on his face. Her hand shot out and grabbed his ear, ignoring his laughed protest and twisting the cartilage until he raised his hands in surrender.

"What did I do?" he asked, still giggling uncontrollably.

"You were laughing at my pajamas!"

"I wasn't!" At her glare, he stole a kiss, despite the grip she still had on his ear. "Okay… maybe a little. They're _cute_."

Releasing him, she allowed him another kiss and laughed quietly when he crawled over her body and settled against her. "You are so sexy," he breathed, tracing her jaw with slow, wet kisses.

"In my snowman pajamas?"

"In whatever you're wearing – or," his eyes gleamed, "whatever you're _not_ wearing."

"You want to help me test that theory?" She arched an eyebrow and sat her coffee on the bedside table, waiting expectantly for him to react.

He … ahem … rose to the challenge. No words (at least no coherent ones) were spoken for a very long time. As they tried to regulate their breathing, still basking the delicious afterglow, Kate smiled against his heaving chest and pressed her lips lightly to his salty skin. Rick ducked his chin to absorb the sight of her bare body sprawled atop his, and his heart swelled with the reminder that she was his.

"Kate," he murmured as his head fell back to the pillow, his voice hushed with the reverence of the moment, his fingers stroking loosely through her hair. "I'm so in love with you."

"How long?" she asked sleepily.

"How long will I be in love with you? Um… I've got 'forever' booked. Does that work for you?"

She hid her pleased smile with a string of lazy kisses along his collar bone. "I meant… how long have you _been_ in love with me. When did you know?"

"Ohhhhhhhh," he teased, playfully tugging the fistful of hair he had claimed. Thinking for a moment, he shrugged. "I don't know, actually. I mean – I started falling the minute you walked into that book premiere. I suspected that I was a goner for the better part of that first year. I knew I had enough of my heart invested in you to be _insanely_ jealous of Schlemming."

"Demming," Kate corrected in a wry voice.

"Potayto, potahto," Castle retorted dismissively, a mischievous grin dimpling his cheek. "I knew without a doubt that you were the one I wanted to grow old with after you nearly died in my arms in that blasted freezer." He grazed her temple with a sloppy kiss and hesitated a few seconds before forcing himself to ask, "What about you?"

"When did I fall in love with you?"

At his mute nod, she drew her lip between her teeth and avoided the question by tracing absentminded patterns through the thin patches of hair that frosted his chest. He gave her the space she needed and tried not to hold his breath as he waited for her to answer. Finally, she spoke – and stole his heart all over again with her vulnerability. "That May – when you said it was our last case together. I knew then. I knew I'd fallen in love with you. I couldn't imagine my life without you in it. It really shook me up." She paused and felt tears lodge behind her eyes. "Do you remember when I dragged you out of your going-away party to talk to you?"

"Yeah. Of course." He hurriedly searched the recesses of his memory bank, pulling up that particular situation and wincing when he recalled how it ended. "Oh. Yeah. Gina."

Kate gave a sad smile, and he felt the twitching of her lips against his skin. He left her hair to trail an apologetic hand down her spine and whispered a kiss to her still-damp forehead. "Yeah. The thing is, Castle, I'd broken up with Tom right before that. I was going to go with you – to the Hamptons."

His heart clenched until he thought it might break into painful shards. "Oh Kate," he moaned hoarsely. "I'm so sorry." Burying his face in her hair, he inhaled her scent and rolled to his side, taking her with him. Nausea broiled in his throat at all the time they'd wasted because he'd been trying to run away from how she'd hurt him. He brushed her tresses away from her face and kissed the top of her nose before meeting her eyes with an anguished look. "No wonder you pushed me away after you were shot."

"Yeah, well." She shrugged, but he could still detect a hint of sorrow behind her gaze. "I'm not pushing you away anymore."

"And I'm glad. Very glad. But I wish I could go back in time and do something – anything – to undo the idiotic, moronic choices I made back then."

Nestling closer to him, she drew him into a desperate kiss and rested her forehead against his. "Make me forget?"

"I can do that."

And he did.


End file.
